


Far Away the Stars

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- non magic, Angst, Baby Harry, Baby Teddy - Freeform, Detective James Potter, Detective Sirius Black, Disability, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multiple Sclerosis, Pining, Single dad Remus, Slow Burn, mentions of abuse, mentions of past suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 04:30:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4946785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh hell, what a pair we make,” Remus said, and Sirius threw his head back and laughed.</p><p>“Truest statement I’ve heard in a long time.”  Sirius bowed his head.  “I don’t care about people easily.  But you’re like a fucking tidal wave, Moony.  You just short of showed up and swept me away and I gave up trying to fight it.”</p><p>Remus fought back the urge to grab him and pull him down and just have him right there because they hadn’t got that far yet.  “And here I thought you just didn’t like me.  Who knew?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be a decently long fic. Two chapters, probably. The next bit has some angsty parts in it. But I'm absolutely drowning in wolfstar right now. I can't help it. It's unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine. Also I've taken liberties with A LOT...sort of like a 25 year old being promoted to DI, or even a DC but...go with it? And it ends happy so I don't think I'll spoil too much by giving that away. xx

How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old my heart.  
William Butler Yeats

 

 

The tea was scalding hot. He’d over-boiled the water and his mugs were cheap and cracked—like nearly everything in his life. His fingers were burning, but it was keeping him centred because his one-off-turned-partner in this whole parenting thing was now asking him to become a parent full time whilst she went abroad for a year.

Twelve whole months.

“Please don’t make me beg, Remus. Please.”

Nymphadora Tonks with her wild hair—currently a sea green colour—and her piercings and ripped jeans, was on the verge of begging, and he could tell. And it wasn’t like he wanted to say no. He didn’t. He had never turned her down when she had classes or work or just wanted to have a bit of fun. They rotated during the week anyway, Remus taking Teddy Monday to Wednesdays, Tonks having him Thursday to Saturday since Remus worked those shifts.

Trying to combine child care with jobs and university and both of them being not exactly well off and barely making it in shitty little flats meant schooling had to come second. Or third. Sometimes fourth. Remus had stopped when Teddy turned three, but Tonks wanted to press on.

She applied and got accepted to an abroad programme for her Master’s which would allow her to study in criminal psychology. Her real passion.

But it was in some place called Tacoma, in the States. And Remus had fuck-all knowledge of that geography. All he knew was that she wouldn’t be hopping a plane for weekend visits. And Remus would be left with trying to mind their three year old son, and work, and his plan to apply to for his own Master’s was now in the shitter.

“I won’t make you beg. But you’ve already accepted, haven’t you?”

Tonks at least had the courtesy to blush. “It wasn’t…I didn’t think you’d say no.”

Remus clenched his jaw, but really, how could he tell her no? They’d willingly hooked up, and the condom broke. What more could they do. Teddy was his child. Tonks deserved the best.

“You know when it’s your turn I’ll do anything I can. I’ll take him for as many years as…”

“It’s fine,” Remus said, and his voice didn’t betray his apprehension. “Just…you’ve got to help me before you go. I need childcare.”

“Got it all sorted,” she said excitedly. “Really. My cousin’s best mate just had a baby—or well two years ago anyway. He and I had lunch and he mentioned it.”

“Which cousin?” Remus asked. He only had second hand knowledge of Tonks’ family. Her mum was all-but shunned from the aristocratic Blacks after having married a man who was very not rich and very not white and very not conservative. Most of her family followed in suit of the Black family tradition, but there were a few lone sheep out there which Tonks got on with alright.

“Sirius. You know, the smudge on the Black family tree.”

Remus vaguely remembered the family drama of one cousin making huge dramatics after a massive public affair with a footballer went sour. That was probably him. The drama was not only that the cousin was engaged with a man, but one who was almost twice his age as he’d only been sixteen at the time. Remus had no idea how true any of it was.

“Okay right. Well. This friend of a cousin. You know them? You think we can trust them?”

“Oh Lily’s great. Remus believe me, she’s the best. She was born to do this whole parenting thing. And she seemed excited to help out. Mum’s going to help too, of course, when she can. Said she’d help afford whatever Lily’s rates are.”

Remus scrubbed his face. “Alright. I guess that’s all I can ask.”

Tonks launched herself forward and pressed a kiss to the side of his face. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Yes, you do,” Remus said. “Go get some high-profile job that makes millions of pounds and you can support me whilst I do something ridiculous. Like try to become a writer.”

“Oh I will.”

*** 

Remus was put in touch with the Potters. Lily and James. They lived in the small village twenty minutes away called Godric’s Hollow. It was one of those ancient little villages were everything was made of stone and old men were stood outside of shops smoking cigars and glowering at the outsiders who dared to come in.

Remus’ ridiculously pathetic car rumbled along the road, and he grit his teeth at the nine hundredth time that day he’d heard The Wheels on the Bus, but Teddy was happy listening to that and playing with his ragged stuffed puppy. Following the directions Tonks had hastily scribbled down on the back of an envelope, he navigated the poorly maintained streets until he came to a small cottage.

They had a lovely garden out front, green with hanging vines, and a small swing attached to a low branch of a tree. It was picturesque, and Remus vaguely wondered if he’d ever have something like this in his life.

With a sigh, he stopped the car, switched off the engine, and turned to his son. “Alright, kiddo. You ready to meet the Potters?”

“Um. Yeah.” Teddy looked up with his toothy grin.

“Do you remember what we say?”

“Um.” His eyes narrowed, twinkling with mischief. “Poopy.”

Remus all-but groaned. “Your mother, I swear…”

Teddy giggled. “I want out.”

Remus took a breath. “Fine. But remember our manners? What do we say?”

Teddy scowled. “I like to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Remus corrected.

“Okaaaaaay,” Teddy complained. “Out!”

Remus knew this was getting him nowhere, so he opened his door, then pushed the seat forward to undo Teddy’s restraints. He hoisted the boy up on his hip, breaking his own rule of, ‘big boys of age three can walk all on their own,’ only because he didn’t fancy chasing his escaped toddler up the street. His body was battered, scarred, and aching. A combination of a terrible car accident at age eight, with the newly diagnosed MS which had only begun to make his life more difficult.

But that was not at the front of his mind. It was the anxiety of meeting all new people he’d have to get to know and trust all before Thursday so he could leave his son and not worry that something would happen whilst he was at work.

He saw movement in the front window and knew he was being watched, but he still trudged his way to the door, set Teddy down with a firm hand clasped round the boy’s wrist, and he rang the bell. It took a moment for the door to swing open and a short woman with red hair piled into a top knot answered.

She was very pretty. Bright green eyes, a smattering of freckles, and a toddler strapped to her back with a scarf-turned-sling. “Remus, right? And this must be Teddy?” She knelt down to meet the boy at eye-level.

Teddy looked up at his dad and Remus said a silent prayer that the boy would not bring up the aforementioned ‘poopy.’ “Hullo.”

Lily beamed. “Well hello to you. I’m Lily, and this is Harry.” She turned so the toddler with the same green eyes and a mop of messy black hair could peer round her shoulder. “He’s two. How old are you?”

“Um. Three.” Teddy looked up at Remus who smiled his approval. “Can Harry play?”

“Of course. Shall we go in first?” Lily pushed the door all the way open and invited the pair inside.

The house was tidy. Not the up-tight, straight out of the pages of a magazine tidy. It was lived in. There were a handful of toys and things scattered, a scrubbed kitchen table in the corner with a lone tea cup, and a discarded jumper over the back of a comfy chair.

The walls were adorned in paintings, some scenery, some abstract, and the furniture though used, was high-end and the telly against the wall was massive. They were clearly well-off, and Remus felt suddenly out of place.

“Did you find us okay? I know we’re a bit out of the way. James’ parents left us this place.” Lily brushed a stray hair out of her eyes as she undid the side of the sling and let the small boy toddle to the floor. He was a few inches shorter than Teddy, but comfortable on his feet though he shyly hid behind his mother’s legs.

“Yeah it was no problem,” Remus said. “Thanks for having us over. I hate to be so fussy but…”

Lily’s laugh interrupted him. “Listen, Remus, I understand. You don’t know us and I’m a parent. I get it.” She gave his arm a small squeeze. “Harry, go and show Teddy your room, okay? And remember to share your toys. Little boys who say mine won’t get any pudding tonight.”

Remus hid his smile behind his hand as Teddy followed the shy boy down the hall. “He’s a decent listener.”

Lily laughed. “He’s just showing off since we have guests. He’s his father’s son.” When Remus frowned, she waved her hand. “Bit spoilt. We’re debating about the whole sibling thing, but not whilst Sirius is here.”

Remus quirked a brow. “He’s…the cousin? Tonks’ cousin?”

“And James’ second spouse,” Lily said with a laugh. “Tea, Remus?”

“That would be wonderful.”

He took a seat at the table where Lily pointed him at, and she busied herself with the kettle, returning with two mugs. “Milk and sugar,” she said, pointing to the small pots in the middle of the table.

Remus took his black instead, sipping on the brew. “So.” He had no idea what to say.

“I know, this is incredibly nerve-wracking. But how about this, we chat, maybe you and Teddy can stay for dinner tonight and get to know us a bit. James and Sirius will be home in about an hour or so. That way it won’t feel so formal.”

Remus let out a puff of air. “Am I that obvious?”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t like meeting new people either.” She sat back and ran her finger round the rim of her mug. “So what do you do?”

Remus lifted a brow. “Er. I work at a bookshop. I started there for some extra cash during sixth form, and through Uni, but then Tonks got pregnant so I stayed on instead of going into the Graduate programme. I’m a shop manager now, which pays the bills enough but I can’t…” He cleared his throat and told himself there was nothing to be ashamed of. “My work hours had to get cut recently. Medical issues.”

Lily nodded, and when she didn’t prod further, Remus felt a little more relaxed. “And Tonks is now off in the States? Braving the Americans.”

Remus laughed. “She’s going to blow them all away.”

“Oh I bet. She’s an enthusiastic one. Can’t wait to hear all about it when she gets back.” Lily sipped her tea, then asked, “Are you still in love with her?”

Remus almost choked, wiping his hand across his mouth. “Me and Tonks?” He shook his head, trying to sound as kind as he could. “She’s wonderful, but not my type. It was…that’s to say we were friends. And things went a little too far one night. I’m not, she’s not…”

“You don’t swing her way,” Lily filled in. When Remus felt panicked, she touched his hand. “None of us mind. Harry’s godfather is as queer as they come, always has been. Never been shy about it. Are you involved with anyone?”

“No,” Remus said, feeling a little better and really just kind of liking Lily very much. “Never really had the time. People are understanding of the theory of single-parenting but when they realise you can’t just go date, or run off on spontaneous holidays, or that for me an exciting evening is getting Teddy to sleep and getting to watch an entire episode of Doctor Who without interruption, they sort of…bugger off. Quickly.”

Lily’s face fell a little it. “I can’t understand. I’ve got help, you know with James, and Sirius is Harry’s second father if I’m being honest. Don’t think I changed a single nappy for the first month. But I relate some. Being young and all.”

Remus nodded. “It’s not so bad most days. Tonks and I have a good arrangement. My mum died when I was young, dad went back to Wales few years back, but Andromeda’s been brilliant at making this not so…” He stopped and shrugged. “Difficult.”

“Mine were gone before the wedding. James’ just after,” Lily said, clutching her tea harder. “Before Harry came, of course. But we have a good little family here. And you know, I don’t know you, Remus, but I think you could be a good addition to that. James is going to love you.”

Remus felt himself blushing. It was so rare he was ever invited to be parts of things. He’d been shy at school, often poorly and his body shattered from the accident meant he was not meant for sport or anything physical. The MS only lent itself further to that. No one wanted to ask about his scars, and he was glad of that mostly, but it was lonely.

“Shall we see what the boys are getting up to?” Lily asked, rising from the table. “I can also show you round, just so you can get a good look at where Teddy will be.” She beckoned him down the hallway. “That door’s Sirius’. He comes and goes. Occasionally he’ll mind Harry for me, but I’ll leave it to you whether or not you’re okay with him having Teddy.”

“Oh I wouldn’t want to trouble anyone else,” Remus said, rubbing his forehead. “Teddy can be a bit…”

Lily just then pulled open the door and Remus saw what looked like a disaster film. Toys everywhere. The boys had managed to up-end every box and the room was a sea of things. “Oh well, look at what we have here,” Lily said, putting her hand on her hip. “Harry, what have you done?”

The wide-eyed boy shrugged, so Teddy cut in. “We played.”

“I can see that. And can you tidy as well?”

Teddy stuck out his lower lip. “But…”

“Because I have ice lollies which you can take into the back garden,” Lily offered. “But they’re only for boys who tidy things. Do you think you’re one of those boys?”

Teddy’s eyes brightened. “Lemon ones?”

“And strawberry,” Lily said.

“Well I like lemon.”

“That’s good, because Harry doesn’t so they just hang round with no one to eat them.”

“I can!” Teddy said brightly.

“Okay. Well you two look like big boys who can tidy, but Teddy you should be in charge because you’re the biggest boy. Can you be the boss?”

“Oh I’m good at being bossy. Dad says.”

Lily looked over with a smile in her eye. “I bet he does. Come and meet us in the kitchen as soon as you’re done.” She shut the door and said, “Is that alright?”

“Of course,” Remus said. His voice was low and embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. He’s…he can be…”

“A three year old?” Lily offered. “Trust me, Harry’s room looks like that no matter who’s in it. Half the time it’s Sirius’ fault.” She showed Remus the rest of the house, which was quite large but still cosy. Eventually they made it to the expansive kitchen and Remus’ eyes widened.

“This is fantastic.” Each appliance was brand new, stainless steel. Almost like a professional kitchen.

“Wanted to be a chef for a while. Took a few courses on it, but babies have a way of changing plans, don’t they?”

Remus bowed his head. “Yeah. I had a few ideas myself.”

Lily went and pulled two lemon lollies out, unwrapped them, and handed one to Remus. She bit off the end and winked when Remus chuckled at the offering. “What about when you go back? Tonks said you were thinking about it.”

“Er. Well originally I wanted to study astronomy. I’ve always been a bit obsessed. But I got…I fell…” He cleared his throat and took a nibble of the lolly. “I have a thing. Medical thing and it makes studying a bit hard to cope with sometimes. Not sure I’d ever get far. But I dunno, I also love literature so that’s something I’d consider. Maybe getting my professorship eventually.”

“You could always teach astronomy,” Lily suggested.

“Could do,” Remus mused.

“I consider going back to Uni from time to time. But I’m happy for now.” She stopped when the boys came toddling into the room.

“We’re finished Miss Lily,” Teddy said, and Remus felt his entire being sag with relief that his son was using proper manners. “Can you check and see if we did good?”

Remus waited until Lily came back, her hand firmly wedged in Teddy’s. “Well, I’d say he scores an Outstanding on his tidy skills. I hope you use those skills at home.”

“I could,” Teddy said when his dad gave him a stern look. “Maybe tonight I could.”

“Maybe,” Remus mused.

Lily fetched the boys their lollies, then showed them out back where there was a sand box and to the right a treehouse built on a short, stubby tree low to the ground.

“Sirius and James did it after I found out I was pregnant,” Lily said as she and Remus began to walk the garden. “Harry doesn’t pay it a lot of attention, but I think he’ll appreciate it when he’s old enough.”

“They sound like they take care of you.”

Lily smiled, but she looked a little sad. “I love my boys, that’s for sure. Sirius can be a bit…rough round the edges. Doesn’t mean much by it. It’s how he is. But you get used to it. And he’s loyal. Loving.”

Remus was wondering why Lily was trying to sell this stranger to him, but for now he would put it out of his head until he met the guy.

Which came an hour after they let the boys run round in the garden. Remus heard the door, and Lily asked him to watch the boys whilst she said hi and led them out. A few moments later, the door opened and two men walked out.

The first was obviously Harry’s dad. Harry was the spit of him. James Potter was tall, fit, a shock of messy black hair, dark skin, and round glasses perched on his nose. He was dressed in a suit still, tie done up perfectly, jacket slung over one shoulder.

But the one next to him caught Remus’ eye so fast it almost hurt. He was short, couldn’t have been taller than Remus’ chin. He was at one point wearing a suit but by how had shed the tie, jacket, unbuttoned the collar, and his shoulder-length hair had a lump where it had been tied back. He had piercing grey eyes, a sharp, aristocratic nose, and he was all-but glowering in Remus’ direction. He looked a bit like Tonks, if he squinted. The family genes were strong in the Blacks. He could most definitely see Andromeda in the scowl.

That broke, though, when little Harry came bolting through the grass and launched himself between the two men. James swung him up onto his shoulder, kissing his head, then Sirius took the boy and broke into a run. Harry squealed with delight as Sirius ran round the garden, but came to a skidding halt when he saw Teddy watching with curious, almost nervous eyes.

“Who’s this, then?”

Remus startled at the posh accent, but watched carefully as Teddy squared his shoulders. “Who are you?”

“I’m Sirius. And you’re in my garden, so shouldn’t I be asking the questions here?”

“Sirius,” Lily hissed, but Teddy seemed unfazed.

“Well I’m Teddy Lupin. And I like your garden. And your tree house.”

Sirius’ entire demeanour changed and he set Harry down who ran back to James. “You want a ride round?”

“Yes please!”

Remus felt his heart leap into his throat as Sirius repeated the gesture with his giggling son. And it was ridiculous to think Sirius would be rash or careless. Harry was clearly in good health and injury-free. But Remus was a worrier by nature.

Eventually the horseplay ended and the boys were set back out to play whilst Sirius returned to James, Lily, and Remus who were talking quietly.

“Sirius,” Lily said, “this is Remus. Teddy’s dad.”

“So,” Sirius said, leaning against the terrace door, “you’re the one who knocked up my cousin and left her to the single mum life.”

Remus felt his entire face heat up. “Sorry?”

But at the same time, James cut in. “Don’t be a twat, Prongs.” 

Remus shook his head. “No it’s…fine. It’s. We have a good arrangement.”

Sirius looked back at Teddy. “He looks more like you than her. Sorry I never met him before, but she doesn’t come round much. Buggering off to the States as well.”

Remus wasn’t sure what to make of this entire situation and his social anxiety was telling him to make some excuse to get out of what was sure to be a very uncomfortable dinner. “She’s only going to be gone a year. It’ll be good, I think.”

“Hmm,” Sirius said, his piercing eyes looking Remus up and down. “If you say so.”

“I say she deserves it,” Remus defended. He knew the shit Tonks’ family gave her over her choices and he might be anxious and far too shy, but when it came to the mother of his child, he wasn’t about to let her honour go undefended. “She’s worked damn hard under these conditions. She’s an amazing mum and she deserves to have her dreams realised.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide, first offended, then laughing a bit. “You say so?”

“Sirius, go inside and change. You look ridiculous with your clothes half off,” Lily hissed at him.

Rolling his eyes like a petulant child, Sirius turned on his heel and did just that.

“Sorry,” Lily breathed.

“It’s fine.” Remus shook his head, but his hands were quaking a bit and he shoved them into his pockets so hopefully no one would notice. For now the tremors were intermittent but he wasn’t sure how long that would last.

“Don’t worry, he’ll warm up to you,” James said. Remus had to appreciate at least Lily’s husband was okay with him.

“Tonks and I…I mean, I didn’t just knock her up and…”

“He’s being dramatic,” James insisted. “He does that. He’s got a difficult relationship with his family, even the good ones. It’ll be good to have Teddy here, though not sure how much we’ll see him. Our case-load is slow right now but usually picks up during the winter.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow. “Case load?”

“We’re at the Met,” James said. “Sirius is a DC, I was just promoted to DI last week.” James preened a bit at that, and Lily stroked his arm affectionately.

“DI, really?” Remus said, impressed. “Bit young for that, aren’t you.”

“One of the youngest.” James squared his shoulders. “Sirius could get promoted if he’d quit fucking around so much. He doesn’t like to play by the rules. He’s been like that since school.”

“A DC who doesn’t like to play by the rules. That’s…comforting,” Remus said.

Lily laughed a bit. “He’s good at his job though. His parents were mortified, of course. He was supposed to marry young and produce an heir. He fucked off from his family young though. Disinherited.”

Remus licked his lips and glanced over at the boys who were now digging a hole in the sand. “Maybe you shouldn’t be spilling his secrets to someone he clearly doesn’t like.”

James clapped Remus on the back. “No worries, mate. He loves the attention over it. Come on, let’s get the boys inside and we can start dinner.”

It turned into Remus’ job to sit with both Harry and Teddy in front of the telly with Blue’s Clues on—dreadful programme but Teddy loved it and Harry had a volume set on DVD. Remus was surprised when the very quiet, green-eyed two year old climbed up onto his lap, sitting on the opposite side to Teddy. But Remus tucked his arm round the Potter boy and smiled when he nestled in.

They were half-way through the episode—solving a complicated riddle for Mr Salt and Mrs Pepper, Remus hating himself for actually getting into it a bit—when Sirius strolled through the room. Remus almost choked on his own tongue at seeing the DC now dressed in torn jeans and a faded Iggy Pop t-shirt. His hair was tied into a loose topknot, and he was holding a large wrench.

Sirius stopped dead when he saw Harry nuzzled up to Remus. “You want me to take him?”

Remus frowned, then looked down at Harry whose eyes had gone sleepy. “I don’t mind. He sort of just made himself comfortable, but I’m used to it.” He used his free hand to ruffle Teddy’s hair, earning him a scowl.

Sirius’ face flickered through emotions Sirius’ couldn’t read, then he shrugged. “As you like it, mate.” Then he was out the door.

Remus felt his heart sink, unsure if it really was the Tonks thing that bothered Sirius so much, or if it was something else. His scars had a way of making people uncomfortable, but Sirius didn’t seem the type. Or at least, the perceived type. 

But Remus could drive himself mad thinking about it, so instead he busied himself trying to solve the ruddy show—it was the Mail Box, by the way—and as soon as Steve got to his final song of excitement over solving his dog’s clues, Lily called them to the table.

“Oh,” she said, leaning against the wall. “Isn’t this cute? James! Where’s my mobile.”

Remus flushed. “Oh, must you?”

But James already had his out and snapped the photo. “Get used to it, mate. She does it all the time.”

Lily crossed the room and got Harry up who protested with a slight whinge but when he remembered Teddy, he beckoned his new friend into the kitchen where Lily had small, sectioned plates set for them of some roast and veg.

Remus eased himself up off the sofa and was grateful his tremors had stopped, but his fatigue was pressing. He ignored it as he stepped up to the table. “This looks lovely.”

Sirius didn’t join them, which James said was normal when he got up to his hobby—no one mentioned and Remus didn’t ask—and the boys kept the adults entertained. Teddy even ate all of his veg which was a miracle in itself.

“Maybe he’s just showing off, but if I can get him to eat healthy at least one meal a day, I’ll call it a win,” Remus said, ruffling Teddy’s hair.

“Miss Lily’s tastes better,” Teddy declared.

James howled and clapped Teddy on the back. “Way to a man’s heart, eh lad?”

Teddy frowned. “Um.”

Lily hid her smile behind her wine glass. “Remus, can I get you anything else? Tea for afters? I have a bit of pudding for the boys, though I know they had lollies earlier.”

“Tea would be wonderful,” Remus said. “For the drive back.”

Lily got up to start the kettle, and James got himself a beer, offering one to Remus who shook his head. “Can’t.”

“Drive home,” James said, and Remus went ahead and let James think that for now. No need to talk about medication regiments during something so pleasant.

The boys were set up back in the lounge with small plates of cake in front of more Blue’s Clues whilst the adults were sat at the table. “I normally don’t allow so much telly, but special occasion and all that,” Lily said.

Remus flushed at how much he let Teddy have at home, but didn’t say anything. “Well I can’t thank you enough for having me over. Honestly Teddy seems right at home and I feel a lot less worried about him.”

“Good. He really is a great kid, Remus. So well spoken.” Lily took a drink of her tea. “I know it’s a tough situation but you and Tonks have done amazing work.”

“She’s telling the truth. We’ve had some of the kids round here over to play and…let’s just say there’s a reason it only happens bi-annually.” James winked and Remus laughed.

He was about to say something again, lifting his tea by the handle, but his arm chose that moment to betray him and went dead. His fingers collapsed and the mug dropped, spreading hot tea everywhere. Both Lily and James jumped up as Remus swore under his breath.

“Are you okay?” Lily breathed, grabbing a dish towel. “Are you burnt?”

Remus shook his head. “No. Shit, I’m so sorry. My fucking…” He stopped, afraid one of the kids might be nearby. “Sorry, my hands sometimes…” He flushed and looked down.

James was watching with a careful eye, and eased himself into the chair next to Remus. “Alright, Remus?”

Remus flushed. “It’s MS. I was only given the diagnosis a few months ago. My symptoms are intermittent for now. Medication helps but sometimes things just go numb and bloody useless.” He swallowed, unable to look them in the eye.

He could see though, in his periphery, James and Lily share that look of pity he hated because his body was such a betrayal and he wanted to be normal for once. But the Universe had other plans. First the car crash and then all of this.

“It’s no worry, Remus. Really.” Lily had mopped up the spill and put everything away. “You want another cuppa? I could throw the kettle back on, no trouble at all.”

Remus shook his head. “I really should get Teddy home. It’s going to be well past his bedtime and if he doesn’t get his strict routine, I’ll have hell to pay tomorrow.”

Lily put her hand on his shoulder. “Well then, I suppose I’ll see you soon.”

“Wednesday,” he said with a nod, glad they dropped the subject. “And thanks again.”

Lily and James said bye to Teddy, then consoled Harry who began to cry when he realised his friend wouldn’t be staying. Remus piled his tired son into the car and as he drove off, he wondered if this was the start to something important.

*** 

Teddy’s drop off was easy. He was excited to be back at the Potter’s, and whilst Lily looked a little frazzled, she insisted it was nothing and set Teddy up out back with Harry before Remus left. She had all the important numbers and information, list of allergies and emergency contacts. Remus packed some of Teddy’s favourite snacks just in case he got fussy about the food, then kissed his son goodbye, and got a surprise hug from Harry as he was leaving.

It was for those reasons alone his shift would go well, and though he worried his son was being a terror the entire time, the fact that his mobile didn’t go off at all during his shift was a good sign.

“So, full-time dad now, are you?” Alice Longbottom, one of the longest employees there, leant against the counter. There wasn’t a single customer in, and she was filling in for her husband Frank. The whole store joked about their bookshop romance, but Frank was looking for a better job now that he was about to finish his final year, and Alice was pregnant with their first.

“Seems so. But I think I’ll do okay.”

“Andromeda have Teddy?” Alice reached into her pocket and pulled out a packet of Jelly Babies.

“No. Actually Tonks put me in contact with a mum whose stay-at-home with hers. Lily Potter.”

Alice’s eyes widened. “Oh I know the Potters! Oh good lot, those ones. Used to date James’ best friend back at school.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “Sirius?”

“Mmm yes that one. Before he decided he was gay only. Good kisser.” She closed her eyes when Remus rolled his. “Have you met him?”

“Yes. He was…acerbic,” Remus said, trying to find a kinder word than the first one that popped into his head.

Alice laughed. “He can be, yeah. But if he likes you, best friend you’ll ever have. I haven’t heard from them in ages. Tell Lily I said hello, will you?”

Remus nodded. “Course I will.” He glanced at the clock. “Speaking of, let’s close. No one’s coming in and I want to get Teddy a little early. Make sure he’s not burnt the place down.”

Alice laughed. “He’s a good boy, Re. Don’t worry so much.”

But they closed up shop early, and before long Remus was pulling up to the Potter’s. As he got out, he clenched his keys in his hand and then noticed in the dim light Sirius on the side of the house crouched over a half-built motorbike. He had a cigarette clenched between his teeth, and he was wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt which was stained with grease.

He glanced up when Remus approached. “Oy there.”

Remus nodded. “Hullo, Sirius. Good day?”

“Fair to middling.” Sirius pocketed his wrench and took a few steps over. “Your boy. He’s got a clever tongue.”

Remus felt his cheeks go hot. “Oh?”

“Told me all about poopy.”

Remus groaned. “Christ. That’s his mum, you know. Not me.”

Sirius laughed and dropped his smoke, crushing it with the heel of his riding boot. “Yeah and she’s not here to deny that now, is she.”

Remus made to retort, but just then his fingers spasmed and he dropped the keys on the ground. Bending over, he attempted to pick them up, but he couldn’t get his fingers to uncurl, and he found himself swearing under his breath.

Sirius waited a moment, then took pity on him, swiping the keys and pressing them into Remus’ other hand. “No worries,” he said in a very soft tone.

Remus reckoned the Potters had sold him out to the cranky DC, and he hated it a little bit, but it made sense. “Thanks. I just…”

“Really. No worries.” Sirius reached behind him, pulling the tie from his topknot and let his hair fall around his shoulders. He gave it a shake and a floral smell hit Remus right in the face. “I should get back to my bike. But it was good to see you.”

The attitude shift was a surprise, but Remus had a feeling it was probably out of pity. No one wanted to be the dick to the dude with MS. And he hated having people get friendly that way.

“Same,” he said, his voice a little icier than he intended, and he saw Sirius stiffen.

“Just go on in. No need to knock.”

Remus turned and used his other hand for the door handle since his fingers still hadn’t uncurled. He found Lily, Teddy, and Harry sat on the floor playing Operation on a board which was shaped like the bloody awful Minions.

Lily looked up with a smile. “Bit early, is it?”

“Closed up. No customers.” Remus sat on the edge of the sofa and waited until Teddy and Harry had each finished their turns.

Harry was up first, and leant in to give Remus a hug. “H’lo Moony.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “What was that?”

“He er…” Lily laughed a bit and shook her head. “He comes up with funny names for people he likes. If it makes you feel better, Sirius got Padfoot.”

“Pa’foot!” Harry called, then climbed into Remus’ lap.

The front door opened and Sirius poked his head round. “Oy kid, don’t be giving my very special name out to someone else.”

“He’s calling him Moony, don’t you worry your pretty head,” Lily admonished.

Sirius looked like Christmas had come. “Moony? Really?”

Remus turned a bit red. “Not going to live this down, am I?”

“Not if I can’t escape Padfoot. But it gets better. He calls his dad Prongs.”

Remus stifled a laugh. “And you?” he asked Lily.

“I’ve got mum. I’m special.” She put the game away whilst Teddy went off to get his shoes. 

“Everything go well today?” Remus asked after Sirius moved through the room and into the kitchen. “No trouble?”

“He was very polite. Taken with Sirius,” Lily said as she removed her son from Remus’ lap. “Course I suppose that’s good as they’re some type of cousins, aren’t they?”

Remus nodded. “Guess so.” That felt a bit odd, but he was finding he didn’t mind so much. “Well I’m glad he behaved.”

Teddy came into the room with one shoe on and the other clenched in his fist. “I was good. Right Miss Lily?”

“Very much. He helped me tidy up and he ate well and we even spoke about maybe having a sleep-over one night if you should ever need some grown-up time.”

Remus’ gulped. “Oh. No that’s not… I mean hardly necessary. Two toddlers…I can’t imagine.”

“He’s a delight,” Lily insisted. “And Harry loves having him. It’s making me reconsider my stance against having another.”

“It’s different when they’re brothers,” Sirius said, and the room got tense and quiet. “But I think you should take her up on it, Moony. She doesn’t offer these things lightly. She’s not what you’d call a ‘kid person.’”

Remus looked over at Lily who looked very guilty. “It’s true. I only like the good ones. Like Teddy.”

“And Harry?” Teddy asked.

Lily ruffled her son’s hair. “Course I like him too. Most days.”

*** 

“Remus, I’m so sorry.” Andromeda put her arm on Remus’ shoulder just after Teddy ran up the stairs to fetch his pack. “It’s just…Ted’s mother…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“It’s fine, really.” Remus gave her his most winning smile. “I have child care for Teddy, and if I need to cut back my hours, I can. They’ll understand.”

Andromeda looked hesitant. “How’s it going over there? At the Potters? I know my cousin’s there with them. Sirius. Haven’t seen him since he was a boy and he was always a bit…” She shook her head.

“Honestly, it’s good. Really good,” Remus said. Lily had been minding Teddy now for nearly a month and all was well. “In fact, I almost never see Sirius or James. They work a lot.”

“Down at the Met, right?” Andromeda laughed. “His mother was furious when she learnt he meant to become a cop.”

“They’re both detectives,” Remus said with a shrug. He wasn’t lying though, most evenings he swooped by to pick up Teddy and if anything, caught the occasional glimpse of Sirius working on his motorbike. He’d get a smile sometimes, or a nod. Not much else.

“Well either way, I just feel terrible. I don’t know when we meant to come back. Could be weeks, months. Maybe longer. I could send for him if you want me to, once we get things sorted and…”

“I knew what I was agreeing to when Dora went abroad,” Remus reminded her. “I’m a capable father.”

“I know. I know,” she breathed, and squeezed his shoulder harder. “I just worry is all. What with your illness and…”

“It’s managed,” Remus insisted. “You go, get everything sorted and just ring me if anything comes up.” With that, he kissed her cheek and called for Teddy who bounded back down the stairs, hugged his gran, then followed his dad to the car.

And it would have been fine, really. Except when Remus realised that on Monday, he had an appointment with his GP for his monthly dosage. MS had loads of treatments, some daily, some monthly, and unfortunately for Remus, he didn’t react well to a lot of them.

Right now they were trying something newish. It had been on the market a while, a monthly jab which could help him control most of the intermittent symptoms since currently he had relapsing-remitting MS. The current prognosis is that he wouldn’t move on to the secondary stage for ten years or so, and by then better treatments might be available.

But the drugs were awful. He could barely function for two or three days after the jab, and normally round that time either Tonks or Andromeda would have Teddy. 

He’d just have to make it work.

He took Teddy with him for the jab, which was fine. Teddy was almost always well behaved during these appointments. He discussed with his doctor his current symptoms, the frequency of his attacks, and how quickly they passed. His hands were the worst of them, and occasionally he’d have slips of memory, but nothing in his vision so far meaning the threat to his ability to drive and work were minimal.

Then the jab, and he knew he had mere hours before things got bad. So he took Teddy for some ice cream, then back to the flat. He was certain he could manage it, but Remus always suffered on the worse end of side-effects.

By seven that night, Remus was desperate. He’d been vomiting now for the better part of two hours, and his headache was so severe, he could barely move. He gripped his phone, fumbling with the contacts until he found Lily’s, and pressed it.

“Yes?”

“James?” Remus frowned, trying to decipher the voice on the other end. It was most definitely not Lily.

“Fraid they’re out. This is Sirius. Is everything okay?”

“I no… yeah. Everything’s…” Remus gave an involuntary groan and sucked in his breath. “It’s nothing.”

There was a long pause. “That didn’t sound like nothing. What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I er…was just hoping I could take her up on the offer to have Teddy for the night? I’m…I’ve got…a thing. I’m just poorly.”

“Can you drive?”

“Ah. No, I’m afraid not,” Remus said. “It’s fine, Sirius. Thank you though. I’ll just…”

Sirius began to rattle off an address, and it took Remus a moment to realise it was his own. “Lily and James went out of town, won’t be back until Wednesday. I just got the bike running. I can be there in twenty.”

Remus meant to argue, but the line was dead after Sirius rang-off without a goodbye. Remus let his mobile clatter to the floor, and a second later Teddy came out with a cool flannel, pressing it to his dad’s forehead.

“All better?”

Remus pulled his son in for a hug. “Getting there. You know Sirius?”

“Um. Yep.”

“Would it be okay if he stops by for a bit?” Remus intended on sending Sirius away as quickly as he could. He didn’t want the brooding detective to see him falling apart like this. It would be humiliating. But still, Teddy would see him and the last thing Remus wanted was for it to be awkward.

“Yeah that’s fine. He’s nice. He plays. Um. Lego. He plays lego.”

“Oh good.” Remus was overtaken with another painful wave of nausea and crawled up. “Well you go get your lego ready. I need the loo.” He stumbled in and spent the next twenty minutes heaving until he was sure he would die.

Bending over the sink, he washed out his mouth, cooled his face with water, and attempted to look somewhat composed. When he came out, he stumbled at the sight of Sirius perched on the edge of his sofa staring at him with a deep frown.

“You look like shit.”

Remus let out a painful chuckle. “Thanks. Ever so kind.”

“Teddy said you went to the doctor today.”

Rubbing a hand down his face, Remus shrugged. “Once a month I get…treatment. I’m sure Lily told you.”

By the look on Sirius’ face, it was clear Lily hadn’t mentioned. “No,” was all Sirius said.

Remus reached out a trembling hand to steady himself on the wall, and he took a breath. “It’s…nothing really. Normally Dora has Teddy for these things, or Andromeda. But they’ve both buggered off.”

There was a tiny gasp from behind, and Remus turned his head to see Teddy there with a frown. “Bad word.”

“Sorry,” Remus amended.

Poking his head round his dad’s knees, Teddy said, “Daddy gets poorly like this and he’s sick all day and all night.”

“So perhaps we should put him to bed, yeah?” Sirius rose, and in spite of Remus’ pathetic protests, he marched the tawny-haired man down the hall and into the bedroom. Remus was grateful somewhere in the back of his head things were tidy, as Sirius helped himself to the sanctuary of Remus’ bedroom.

“Really, this is…”

“Down you get,” Sirius said, and eased Remus to the pillows. “You need a vomit bucket?”

Remus pulled a face. “I’m a grown man, I can make it to the toilet.”

“I flat-shared with James at Uni, so believe me when I say I won’t be put off by cleaning up a bit of vomit if necessary.” Sirius smiled, and Remus could see the glint off his grey eyes from the soft light coming through the window.

“Full moon,” Remus said absently.

“So it is, Moony.” Sirius smiled and brushed back a few strands of Remus’ hair. “Just try and sleep through it. I find that works the best. I’ll keep Teddy out of your hair.”

“I…” Remus’ entire abdomen clenched with a violent pain, and he sucked in his breath, curling in on himself. There were fingers back in his hair again, just for a moment. Then it passed and he felt his shoulders relax. “I get paid this week.” His voice came out small and insignificant. “Remind me when I bring Teddy…”

“You’ll not pay me to mind my own cousin, Remus. Go to sleep.”

Remus’ eyes were already closed though, and he drifted off to the sound of retreating steps.

*** 

It was sunlight that woke him, and he sat up with a start, regretting it almost instantly. He was not yet recovered from the initial ills the injections caused, but the second day was usually better than the first. And he realised he’d slept through the night. In fact, his clock read half ten and he panicked.

“Shit. Teddy!” Ignoring the aching in his bones and queasy stomach, he grabbed his dressing down and secured it as he hurried into the lounge. Where, to his surprise, he found Sirius and Teddy lying on the floor with The Emperor’s New Groove playing on the telly and a massive castle being built out of lego.

Sirius looked up and gave Remus a cheeky smile. “Morning, sleeping beauty.”

Remus’ entire face went flush. “You stayed. All night.”

“You weren’t at your best. Thought you could use an extra hand.”

Remus felt suddenly ashamed and wondering if he actually could make this parenting thing work. Because what if Sirius hadn’t been here? Then what? Would he have slept through and let his toddler run amok? Teddy could have been injured or could have gone hungry or worse.

“I see your mind ticking and you can stop.” Sirius was up on his feet, bending down to ruffle Teddy’s hair. “Go on, finish that tower whilst I help your dad with tea.” He took Remus by the elbow and bodily dragged him into the kitchen. “Sit,” he ordered.

“This is my house, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh I’ve not been able to forget. It’s small and untidy.” Sirius winked though as he put the kettle on. “Toast? Are you able to eat?”

Remus’ cheeks went pink. “I can mind my own breakfast.”

“I’m sure.” Sirius went for the toast anyway, and set out butter and jam. “You want to tell me what’s got you this bad off?”

Remus licked his lips. “Honestly I thought Lily sold me out weeks ago.” Remus rubbed his hand down his face. “I’ve got a thing.”

Sirius turned and quirked a brow. “A thing.”

“A…condition. Which requires monthly treatments and I’m not entirely myself when it happens.”

Leaning back against the counter, Sirius crossed his arms. “You know that makes you sound like a werewolf. Which is oddly fitting, Remus Lupin.” He drawled his name and chuckled at his own joke.

Rolling his eyes, Remus looked away. “Feels a bit like it.”

“It was the full moon as well. Maybe you are.”

“It’s MS,” Remus said, and that instantly sobered the mood. He regretted it when he saw the look of pity flash through Sirius’ eyes. “It’s not bad. Not yet. Probably not for a few years. Normally it’s only a slight bother. But these fucking treatments…” Just then his hands chose to go pins and needles, and he flexed them, hating how stiff and slow they moved.

Sirius jumped when the kettle whistled, and he poured two mugs. “Milk or sugar?”

“Black is fine.” Remus attempted to close his hand round the mug, but wasn’t able to yet. He cursed under his breath again. “Either way, I just need to figure out how to get through this whilst Dora and Andromeda are away. I feel like a shit dad, though, to tell the truth.”

“Being ill has no bearing on your ability to parent,” Sirius said, and he met Remus’ gaze though the tawny-haired man attempted to look away.

“Kind sentiment but hardly true.” Remus’ fingers finally relaxed, and he brought his tea up to his lips, taking a gentle sip. “Impact is greater than intent. I can intend to be a good dad, but when my illness stops me from being able to perform the simplest tasks…”

“Are you always this self-deprecating? Is that why you’re single?”

Remus almost choked on his tea, and looked up at Sirius. “Are you serious?”

“Since the day my mother christened me.”

Remus paused. “Fuck. I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

With a small laugh, Sirius pushed the plate of toast over to Remus. “You should eat something.”

“Ah. That sounds lovely but it’ll only send me hurling into the toilet.” Remus scrubbed at his face.

Sirius contemplated that for a minute, then rose. “Teddy? Are you ready to go?”

“Er. Go?” Remus started to get up, but Sirius pushed him back to his seat.

“Easy now, Moons. The boy and I have some things to get done, and you have some sleeping and vomiting to get through.” Sirius leant forward. “I’m not joking. James and I took a few days holiday, and he’s buggered off out of town and I’ve nothing to do besides take Teddy out. Believe it or not, as punk rock as I am, I happen to like children.”

Remus snorted in spite of his nerves. “Is it punk rock to like children?”

“And small, fuzzy animals,” Sirius said, winking. “Go back to bed. Sleep it off. Do whatever. We’ll be back in a few hours.” As Sirius started to help Teddy into his coat, Remus got up. “You’ve…not got your bike, do you?”

“Course I do. Planned on recklessly throwing a toddler on the back.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Who the fuck do you hang round with that you’d be worried someone would put a toddler on a motorbike?”

Remus flushed. “No one, actually.”

“That explains it.” Sirius let out a sigh. “I have my bike but we’re taking the tube. Fuck off to bed, Moonpie. You need to be better before Thursday.”

Remus wanted to protest harder, but Sirius’ was unmoving and bossy and Remus was finding himself more and more curious and—god forbid—enamoured by this man. But he was also Teddy’s family, proper family, which likely had everything to do with it. And the pity, of course. Which he hated but would take full advantage of when he felt this dreadful.

So as the front door slammed shut and he could hear his son’s excited voice as he headed to the street with Sirius Black, Remus put himself to bed and prayed he’d feel better by the evening.

*** 

A gentle hand touching his shoulder woke him, and Remus opened his eyes. His stomach gave a painful twist of hunger, and he could see the filtered light of dusk coming through the window. “Shit. I slept all day.” He was groggy, attempting to sit up, but his body didn’t seem to want to co-operate. 

Sirius, who was leaning over him, grinned. “You need a shower. I’ve got some soup for you as well.”

Remus frowned. “When did you get back?”

“Hours ago. We went to the zoo, then to the shops and I spoilt him a bit. He got some sweets which I hid very cleverly. He’s had his bath, dinner, and he’s sitting in bed with my tablet watching Netflix.”

Remus groaned, scrubbing his face with the heels of his palms. “I er…”

“Shower,” Sirius said.

In spite of his raging hunger and the ache from head to toe, Remus did as he was ordered, and it did help a bit. When he wandered back to the bedroom in pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, he found Sirius standing there with a tray with two bowls of soup.

“Get in.”

“Yes mum,” Remus muttered. “The treatments make me feel like shit, but I’m still a capable adult.”

“Yes well, Lily would be doing the same damned thing to you if she was here. She taught me well.” There was a hint of something in Sirius’ voice, akin to bitterness—but not quite. Either way, Remus couldn’t read it so he sat down and let Sirius put the tray between them.

Sirius took his, then pushed the tray toward Remus. “It’s got loads of ginger in it. Trust me, it’ll feel good.”

Remus said nothing as he tucked in, using some of the bread Sirius brought as well, and by his last bite, he actually did feel quite good. “That was…you made it?”

“Lily tell you she wanted to be a chef?” When Remus nodded, Sirius went on, “Well she taught me a few things. I think she’s hoping once James lets me go, I’ll be able to feed myself like a proper fucking grown up.”

“Lets you go?” Remus asked, then blushed. “Sorry God, that was so rude.”

Sirius studied him for a moment. “His parents died just after the wedding. The week Lily learnt she was pregnant with Harry. He didn’t take it well. He started having panic attacks that the people he loved were going to die. Begged me to move in, and has been a bit resistant to the idea of me getting my own place.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

Sirius shrugged up one shoulder. “You know my family, yeah?”

“Some.”

Sirius let out a bitter laugh. “Don’t judged them based on Andromeda. She was always one of the good ones. My family was…well let’s not spoil the mood. Suffice it to say the Potters took me in during a very dark time and James worries for me more than he should.”

Remus smiled. “That’s nice though, isn’t it? Having someone who cares?” He realised how pathetic he sounded. “I mean…”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “It is nice.”

Remus leant back against the wall as Sirius tidied up the soup. He didn’t understand Sirius. Not really. He knew nothing about him, but he was beginning to understand what Lily was talking about when she said you got used to him. And the loyal friendship if he liked you.

Suddenly, as Remus reached over to turn his beside clock round, his back seized. Remnants of his car crash, and his upper body was useless. He sank down to his pillow, closing his eyes, trying to breathe through it.

It wasn’t until warm hands landed on his shoulder that he looked up. “Fuck. You’ve done nothing but catch me at my worst,” he ground out.

“Is it the er…condition?” Sirius asked.

“Not this time. I was in a bad car crash as a kid. Sort of shattered my body and when things get bad during my treatments it triggers back spasms.” Just then another one hit, stealing his breath.

“Here let me…” Sirius began to gently rub along Remus’ back, easing his fingers into the muscles. Remus turned over, the movement involuntary, and he moaned at the fingers kneading his muscles. It was neither too hard nor too light, and as Sirius worked, things began to relax.

He blinked, then looked over, red-faced and embarrassed. “I er…”

“Does that usually work?” Sirius asked, not making eye-contact and still rubbing.

Remus shrugged. “Dunno. No one’s ever…” He stopped. “People are generally bothered. By the scars.”

Sirius sucked in his breath a little, and Remus shivered when he felt the tip of Sirius’ fingers trace one of the marks along the back of his neck. “They’re bothered by skin?”

Remus let out a small laugh. “Or by the idea of what caused them. I dunno, you’ll have to ask Dora. She’s the one into psychology of the human mind.”

Sirius continued to rub lightly, though the massage turned into gentle strokes down his spine. He settled in on the bed next to Remus and the warmth was almost overwhelming. Remus couldn’t remember the last time he’d shared this space with anyone.

“I have to study people. Part of my job. Work out who did it, and why, what motivated them. I have to work out their weaknesses and exploit that so I can get the truth. But through all of that, I feel like I understand people less and less.”

Remus found himself leaning into the touch, then stopped himself. He shifted up and flexed his fingers, profoundly aware of Sirius still next to him. “I…thanks. For that. For everything.”

Sirius looked sideways at Remus for a while. “I’ll stay until Teddy’s asleep. Will you be okay on your own tomorrow?”

Remus nodded. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“How about just be okay with yourself.” Sirius rose and his hand twitched, like he was going to touch Remus, then changed his mind. “Just phone me if you need anything. I’m on holiday until Monday.”

He left, closing the door behind him, and Remus fell back against the wall. He knew what that feeling was in the pit of his stomach. That old longing for something he couldn’t have. Even before the MS, most of his relationships had been out of pity. Pity for the strange, scarred up man who wore the evidence of his past right there on his naked skin.

He saw a bit of it in Sirius’ eyes which hurt more than anything, because under different circumstances he thought maybe someone like Sirius could fancy him. Maybe.

He was miserable now though. And pining. The worst feeling in the world, really.

*** 

When Remus got to the Potters’, Lily was out front letting Harry run in the front garden. Teddy was bouncing in his seat, anxious to get on playing with his friend, and Remus let him go free the moment his feet touched the pavement.

Lily was on a camp chair, and laughed a little when the boys grabbed each other and tumbled into the grass. “Maybe Sirius is right. It will be different with a sibling.” She swiped hair out of her eyes. “I never got on with my sister.”

Remus gave a small shrug. “I was an only child so I wouldn’t know.”

“James is the same.” Lily looked up at Remus and got out of her chair. “Sirius said he came by yours. Wouldn’t say why.”

Remus pursed his lips. “I er…had a bad reaction to my treatment. I had phoned you, to see if I could take you up on the offer to have Teddy over, but he said you and James were out of town.”

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Oh Remus. Oh I’m sorry.”

Remus waved her off. “I would have made do. Tried to tell that to Sirius but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Hmm no. I suspect not.” She had a funny look, but didn’t elaborate. “Are you okay now?”

“Quite, yes.” Remus flexed his fingers. “First few days are murder. But after that it’s two weeks or so with relatively no symptoms.”

“Are they er…I mean the MS…” She seemed afraid to ask, and Remus felt bad about not explaining his situation better.

“It’s not as bad as some. My symptoms come and go. A lot of numbness, muscle spasms in my arms and legs. Can mess with my balance a bit. So far I’ve been lucky, it doesn’t muck with my concentration or memory too much, and no vision problems.” When Lily frowned, he shrugged. “It can cause blindness. Usually temporary but MS attacks the nerves so when the disease becomes advanced…” He trailed off. “Teddy should be near adulthood when it happens to me so I won’t have to worry so much.”

“Oh.” Lily’s voice went very quiet. “And it’s…for sure it will…?”

“They might have better treatments when it gets bad. I’ve got ten or fifteen years of feeling mostly okay.” Remus tried to be upbeat about it. “It’s not a death-sentence.”

“No. I suppose not.” Lily swiped her hand across her forehead. “Listen, we’d like to have you over Sunday. You’re done early, right?”

Remus nodded. “We’ve half hours on Sunday.”

“Good. Stay for dinner. James is insisting. He was complaining on our little holiday that he never gets to see you.”

Remus flushed, having trouble believing the very cool DI would want to spend any time with someone like him. “Er. Yeah, okay.”

“We used to do family dinners on Sunday. Something we’d like to pick back up again.” She reached out and touched his arm. “So keep it a standing appointment?”

Remus felt something rush through him, incredible and almost overwhelming. “Yeah. No. I mean, that’s great. Teddy and I would love that.”

Lily beamed. “Good. Now bugger off before you’re late.”

***  
“Oh go on,” Alice said, shoving the container at Remus. “Try it.” 

Remus stared at the food. It was tinned tuna mixed up with a chopped scotch egg, pickled red peppers, and—of all bloody things—fresh diced strawberries. “Whatever you’re carrying in that belly of yours,” Remus said, “it can’t be human if it’s craving that.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “It’s actually quite nice tasting. If only you’d try it!”

The chime at the door rang through the shop. Then a small voice said, “Dad!” and another followed with a smaller, “Moony!”

Remus sat up straight, peering round and saw Sirius walking in with Teddy on his shoulders, and Harry toddling along with his hand firmly grasping Sirius’ index finger. Sirius was all grins and winks as he crossed over the aging carpet toward the cash till.

“We were in the neighbourhood.” Sirius slid Teddy town then went wide-eyed at Remus’ co-worker. “Oh my God is that Alice Prewett?”

She stood up straight and her eyes went wide. “Sirius Black.”

He swooped round the kids and yanked her into a hug. “The one that got away!” Remus watched as Sirius shoved his hands into Alice’s pockets, and she squealed, laughing and trying to get away, but he came away with his prize. “I knew you’d still have them!” Sirius clutched the Jelly Babies and fished round for a red one, biting the end off.

“You’re such a tart,” Alice said, sticking her nose in the air and rubbing her swollen belly.

Sirius shook his head. “Look at this, Moony. The one who left me and got herself married and knocked up. My heart is breaking.”

“I’m sure it is. You were a complete rake the entire time we dated,” she scolded.

Remus, who had plonked Teddy and Harry both up on the counter, shook his head. “I can only imagine what it must have been like to see the pair of you together.”

“Oh we were dreadful. She brought out the worst in me.” Sirius lifted his nose and sniffed.

Rolling her eyes, Alice stuck her arms out for Teddy who launched himself over. She balanced him alongside her stomach and kissed the side of his face. “I hear you’re being tended by the Potters. Are you being a good boy?”

“Yes. Miss Lily’s tired today so Padfoot’s taking us to the zoo. And the shops. He’s going to buy sweets.”

Remus’ eyes narrowed. “You nearly bought out the shop already! How much does he need?”

Sirius dug into his pilfered Jelly Baby stash and pulled out two red ones, handing them over. “Listen, I’m the one who spoils them.”

Remus huffed. “Have they even had tea yet?”

“No!” Teddy cried as he mashed the sweet between his teeth. He grinned at his dad. “We’re having sandwiches.”

Sirius produced a paper sack as he leant against the counter. “Teddy chose. Apparently my choice of peanut butter, jam, and broccoli was unacceptable.” He winked at Remus who felt a slow blush creep up his neck.

“I picked turkey,” Teddy said, his fingers playing with the charm dangling from Alice’s earring. “With mustard.”

Harry wiggled his fingers at Remus. “Up, Moony. Up!”

Remus complied, lifting the boy who rested his cheek against Remus’ shoulder and shut his eyes. “Seems a bit tired.”

“Long day. Lily’s going to kill me, of course. His schedule’s out the window.” Sirius grinned anyway. “So, can you have a break? Alice, be a love, hmm?”

“Only always.” She shifted Teddy over to Sirius who threw the boy back up over his shoulders, and smiled when Teddy leant his chin against the top of his head. 

Reaching out, Sirius gave her belly a pat. “I know, this was so rude of me not even asking, but I am glad for you. You look happy, darling.”

“I am that. It’s a boy and we’re calling him Neville.”

“Cruel parent, you are.”

“Not as cruel as being called after the dog-star,” Alice pointed out.

“Yes well, no one will argue that,” Sirius dead-panned. He turned to Remus. “Where can we go?”

Remus led the way up the stairs to the small rooms above the shop. The first owner had lived there, but the room was now used for storage and tea breaks. There was a squashy, if not slightly dusty, sofa just below the long window, and it was room enough for Sirius and Remus who sat, and Teddy passed out the sandwiches and juice boxes.

Harry, who was now dozing against Remus’ shoulder, only shifted slightly when the pair sat. “You want me to take him?” Sirius asked.

“It’s alright.” Remus gave the boy’s back an affectionate pat. “Teddy won’t do this anymore.”

“I’m too big,” he complained.

“He’ll be four soon,” Remus said, and he felt a little wistful that the small age was passing so fast. When the boy was first born, Remus felt overwhelmed, wondering if he’d ever get used to being needed so much. Now that Teddy was becoming independent and a boy in his own right, Remus felt a little melancholy.

“The bigger ages are supposed to be great as well,” Sirius said as he poked the opening of the juice with the pointy end of the straw. He sipped and grimaced. “Good lord. Teddy, why on earth did you pick these? It’s horrid. It tastes like troll bogey.”

Teddy threw his head back and laughed. “You’re a troll poopy.”

Remus groaned. “Still on that?”

“I like to eat poopy.” Teddy tucked into his sandwich with a vicious growl, then dug a few of his toy cars out of his pocket and started to drive them round.

Remus managed to unwrap his sandwich and took a few bites, though his appetite was far from returned. “So Lily okay?”

“Harry’s going through a phase. Kept her up all night apparently.” Sirius brushed a few stray bits of his fringe away from his forehead, and for whatever reason, the gesture sent Remus’ heart thudding in his chest. “I thought I’d give her a break.”

Remus looked down at his boots. “I hope Teddy’s not too much for her. I mean, two boys…”

“Teddy’s great. He is. You should stop apologising for him existing.” Sirius reached out and gave Remus’ knee a squeeze.

Remus felt a lump in his throat and he cleared it. “I do that a lot, don’t I?”

“I think people want young, unmarried parents to be sorry.” Sirius scrubbed his face with one hand, then finished off the terrible juice.

Letting out a sigh, Remus had another bite, then put the food back into the empty sack. He leant back against the cushions and enjoyed the heavy weight of the sleeping toddler against his chest. He remembered doing it with Teddy on days only this sort of cuddling brought the boy any comfort. And for Remus, it had been a lot of that too. His parents had loved him, yes, but their affections were with words, and his mum passed so young and his dad just never quite got through it.

“I just don’t know how other parents do it. I mean, yes I’m poorly so my situation is different but…”

“It’s not,” Sirius said, looking at Remus with half-lidded eyes. “Sure people might not have your particular obstacles, but there are others. And they do it with help. Lily’s got me and James and even though our work has been busy lately, she’s never alone. And you don’t have to be.”

Remus let out a breath. “She invited me for family dinner on Sunday.”

Sirius’ lip quirked up. “I expect she did.”

“Is that… I mean, I don’t want to intrude if you aren’t…you know. Okay with it.”

“I think at this point, having spent a night at yours wiping your vomit-induced sweat-covered forehead and bringing you soup in bed constitutes me being okay with sharing a meal, Moony.” Sirius winked. “I know we’ve only known each other a short time but do I really seem like that sort?”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “I don’t know what sort you are, Padfoot.” He chuckled a little when Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yet.”

There was a quiet, shared smile between them, then which lingered long after Sirius took the boys and went about their day.

*** 

“I’m off for the day,” Remus said, punching his code into the computer. “Frank on his way?”

“He’s here. Just upstairs,” Alice called out. She poked her head into the office and stared at him.

It went on so long, Remus shifted and narrowed his eyes. “What, Alice?”

“Just…it was good to see Sirius again.”

With a huff, Remus grabbed his keys out of the locked drawer and shoved them into his pocket. “Missing him, are you? Regretting your choice.”

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you.” Alice cuffed his shoulder. “He likes you.”

“He’s…I don’t know how to read him. He’s confusing. Hot one moment, cold the next. He all-but told me off for getting Tonks knocked up and making her a single mum.”

“He was like that at school,” Alice said. She leant against the door and crossed her arms over the swell of her stomach. “Could never really figure that one out. I mean, when he came out it made more sense, of course. He was the token pouf, since no one was brave enough, but I think he wouldn’t have been had he not been trying to make his family upset.”

Remus frowned. “I haven’t asked him about it. He seems a bit tetchy when it comes to them.”

“I expect so. He came back from holidays battered and bruised more often than not. Always with excuses, always rowing with anyone who dared to question him on it. Then in year six he turned up with James and everyone knew he’d gone to live with the Potters, but no one said it. Honestly if it hadn’t been for James’ obnoxious crush on Evans, everyone would have assumed those boys were together. Fiercely protective, James was. Sirius had some trouble too. Drugs and what not. But it didn’t last.”

Remus let out a puff of air and realised how ridiculous his little crush was. He didn’t even know this man. “Well, he’s good with Teddy.”

“Oh I imagine so. Don’t think he had a lot of love as a kid. Not surprised he’s fawning over those boys.”

Remus felt his heart clench a little in his chest, and he shook his head. “Well, I’d better be off. Still dragging a bit from that last treatment.”

Alice gave her best for Remus to give Lily, then he got in the car and on the entire drive out to Godric’s Hollow, all he could think about was Sirius Black.

*** 

Saturday afternoon Remus was alone in the shop. Frank was due in as Alice was struck with a bout of recurring morning sickness which decided to crop up after so many months of feeling good. It had just gone past noon when the door chimed, and Remus looked up, his eyebrows lifting in surprise as Sirius strolled in.

“Afternoon, Moonshine.”

Trying not to roll his eyes or give in to his desire to grin, Remus leant on the counter. “No boys today?”

“Having a kip. Lily let them play in the water outside and it exhausted them.” Sirius, whose hands had been behind his back, produced two take-away cups. “Tea? Black. Lily says you prefer it black.”

Remus tried not to read innuendo in that as he nodded. “Yes. I er. Do. Thanks.”

“All alone?”

Remus sighed. “Alice is poorly. Near as bad as I was after the treatment.”

Sirius pulled a face. “Lily had it terrible with Harry. At the beginning, then right at the end. By her eighth month all she could stomach was slices of fresh lemon and ice chips. Lost nearly a stone before he was born. Doctors were worried. But Harry came out bright-eyed with a strong set of lungs.”

Remus laughed. “Teddy was early. Not interested in waiting, but Tonks had a good pregnancy. No strange cravings, not like Alice and her affront to tuna.”

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “Tuna?”

“Mixed with chopped scotch egg, pickled peppers, and strawberries. That’s what you saved me from Thursday.”

“Good lord. Thank god for me, eh?”

Remus did roll his eyes this time. “You praise yourself a lot.”

“Ah well, if you were me, you’d be doing the same.” He winked, leaning close to Remus. “So what about this dinner on Sunday. You going to bring anyone?”

Remus’ cheeks went red. “Ah. No. I don’t really date. Were er…you planning on it?”

“Hadn’t thought.” Sirius thumbed the rim of his cup. “Hard to date with my profession. Hours are…unconventional at times.”

Remus let out a puff of air. “I get it. My hours are normal for the most part, but the rest of me is…not.”

Sirius’ lips twitched, like he wanted to say something. Remus hated that he couldn’t read the expression on Sirius’ face. “Sorry people are shit. You deserve better.” He put his hand on the counter, then straightened up. “I should be off. I’m just picking up a few things from the shops. See you later?”

Remus nodded, feeling a hard lump settle in his stomach. He could only hope this passed quickly.

*** 

Come Sunday, Remus was feeling decent. His health was usually tip-top in the first week following his treatment, and he hadn’t gone numb or shaking or off kilter in days. He arrived just as Lily was getting things prepped in the kitchen, and she beckoned him inside.

“Everyone’s out back if you want to go.”

“You want help?” Remus offered.

She waved him off. “I prefer to manage my cooking alone. But you’re welcome to sit and unwind before heading out into the chaos.” Just then James gave a shout, and Remus saw him running, Sirius close at his heels and the boys laughing maniacally as they played whatever game they had going on.

Remus smiled fondly. “Enjoying the holiday with James?”

“Very much.” Lily smiled as she watched them for a second, then went back to chopping the carrots. “It was a rough couple of months, to be honest. James and Sirius were partnered on a case—they eventually got it sorted. They were investigating a company on embezzlement charges, which led down to strange disappearances and eventually the head of the company was taken down for several murders. He had some ridiculously racist manifesto he was parading round in secret.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “Tom Riddle. I read about it. That was…” It had been a huge deal, all over the media. Riddle had political aspirations and was running on a platform of cleansing Britain of their immigrant problem. Being that James was Indian, it made sense why the case would be difficult for him.

“He got death threats,” Lily said, her voice soft and almost afraid. “Caught a few people following him home and for a while we had security detail posted outside the house. Never gladder to have Sirius living with us.” Her head bowed. “But Riddle’s been sentenced, along with several people under his employ.”

Remus let out a breath. “Good lord, Lily. I’m so sorry. And here you are taking Teddy!”

Lily shook her head. “No honestly, it was a relief. Something else to focus on. Sirius took it hardest. Few of the people who were found out were his family. And they’d always been really horrible about James and everything. It was tough for him.”

Remus sat back. “I’m glad he’s got you. He’s…a good person.”

Lily’s eyes flickered again, that unreadable emotion. “I’m glad he’s warmed to you. And you to him.”

Remus felt himself blush and was overcome with the desire to confess to Lily how he felt. But he wasn’t sure he could take the rejection if it was clear Sirius wasn’t interested that way. And honestly with his condition, why would anyone want to be put through it. Sirius had seen it bad, but hadn’t seen it worst and Remus shuddered to think.

But the topic moved on, and Lily told Remus about her day with Teddy, then before long Remus ventured out to watch everyone play. Unable to join in, he snapped a few photos on his mobile, then the men sat down with a few drinks—Remus on fizzy water only—and they chatted whilst Lily finished up the cooking.

“That boy of yours,” James said, nudging Remus with his elbow, “take after you, does he?”

Remus snorted. “More his mum. Mouthy and energetic. I was in a car crash when I was a boy. Shattered a good portion of my body so I was never able to do much besides sit round and read. Confined me to nerd status early on.”

James glanced over at Sirius who had his gaze trained over the garden, watching the boys now in the sand box playing with the last of the dying light. “Sorry to hear it,” James said after a moment.

Remus shrugged. “Just my lot in life. Seems I wasn’t meant to bash myself round a football pitch. But it’s okay, I can live vicariously through the kids.”

James smiled. “It’s true. Too bad we didn’t have you at our school, Moony. Could have used some brains of our operation.”

Remus snorted. “I doubt I’d have survived. You went to some posh public school didn’t you? Boarders?”

“Oh we were the worst,” Sirius said, grinning but still not looking over at Remus. “All poncy and rich. James was a right snob until he fell in love with Lily who was there on scholarship. He tried to impress her with money. It didn’t go over well.”

“She told me to take my millions of pounds and shove them so far up my arse I’d choke,” James said in a very serious tone.

Remus snorted a laugh. “And?”

“Eventually I wore her down.” He shrugged, then turned round when he heard Lily’s scoff.

“More like you stopped being a giant twat and got your head out of your arse about being Fleamont Potter’s son.”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “Fleamont Potter? The…”

“Yes, that one,” James said. “With the hair products.”

“The hair products that literally ever celebrity—even ones in Hollywood—use,” Remus pointed out.

“That is the most pouf thing I’ve ever heard you say,” James teased.

Remus shrugged. “Only because we haven’t got to spend enough time round each other.”

James howled with laughter as he got up. “Oy, Padfoot, I think someone’s about to challenge your title.”

Sirius glanced over, then gave a cold shrug. “He’s welcome to it.”

Remus felt the keen sting of rejection without having been actually rejected as Sirius tipped back the rest of his beer, then walked in the house without another word.

“Have I said something?” Remus asked quietly as James called the boys in.

“It’s not you,” James said quietly. “Believe me.”

Harry toddled over right then and put his arms up to his dad. “P’ongs! Up!”

James swung the boy up and onto his shoulder. “Try dad. Can you call me dad? Or even da? I’d settle for that.”

“P’ongs!”

James gave a long-suffering sigh, but was grinning as he took his boy in, Remus following behind with Teddy’s hand in his. They took their seats at the table, and though Remus expected Sirius to be absent and brooding, he was sat near Harry, though much subdued.

Dinner went off nicely though, and they made pleasant conversation until they got to pudding which Lily served out, then before they could dig in—though the boys didn’t listen to that bit—she cleared her throat. “James and I would like to announce something. Which is why we called you here tonight.”

James was all-but bouncing in his seat. “Yes. Important family announcement.”

Remus felt his heart flutter a little at the inclusion. Both awe and gratitude, and a little bit of wondering if he actually deserved it.

“Well we’re…that’s to say,” Lily said, a bit flustered. “We’re expecting. Ten weeks gone.”

There was an eruption between James, Sirius, and Remus who all took turns hugging, except Sirius skilfully avoided any contact with Remus who felt the sting again. They all sat back down except Sirius who excused himself.

“I’m off for a bit. Love you, Ginger Snap.” He kissed Lily on the cheek.

“Is it…because I’m here? I know I’ve not been here long so having me for family dinner…”

“It’s not you,” James insisted again. “Believe me.”

Remus scrubbed his face. “He caught me at a bad time. I’m thinking it bothered him.”

Lily pursed her lips. “Well…” she began.

“Lily,” James warned.

She glowered. “No. Look, Remus. It did a bit, but not in a bad way. Sirius has a hard time dealing when he can’t do anything to help. And I think he realised with you that he can bring soup and mop up your forehead and even hold your hair back when you’re puking into the toilet, but he can’t make it better.”

Remus bowed his head. “Right.”

“He’ll get over it. He just needs to process. He…cares about you.”

Remus gulped. “Right. It’s…fine. It’s okay.”

“You could go talk to him,” James suggested quietly. “He didn’t leave. He’s tinkering with that bloody flying death-rocket.”

Remus snorted a laugh, then looked at the boys who were wearing their chocolate cake. “Er…”

“I’ll do the bath,” Lily said. “James can help. Teddy’s got a change of clothes here.” Her tone booked no argument, and Remus was left with no other choice but to try and sort out whatever weird friendship he had with Sirius before it got too awkward they couldn’t speak anymore.

He ventured out and went round to the lit shed where Sirius was in a squat near the front wheel of his bike, a cigarette clenched between his teeth.

“Can I help?” Remus asked out of sheer propriety.

“You any good with motorbike mechanics?”

“I’m good with absolutely no mechanics. I was just being polite.”

Sirius paused, then laughed. “You smoke?”

“Ah, no. Can’t, really.” He watched as Sirius nodded to one of the folding camp chairs, and he took a seat in it. “Lily sent me out.”

“To fetch me?”

“To sort things out.”

Sirius ran his hands back through his hair, then tied it up in a top knot. “Of course she did. I love her, but she can meddle.”

Remus leant forward, resting his arms on his thighs. “Are we friends, Sirius?”

That earned him a curious look. “Dunno, Moony. Are we?”

“I thought so. I thought we were friendly at least. You came to mine, took care of me. Came to the shop twice. Brought me tea. Black. Just the way I like it.” Remus let the innuendo be heard in his tone, because he was tired of not being brave at all. “Now you’re avoiding me. Lily says you don’t know how to handle me.”

Sirius fell back to his arse and threw one arm round a crooked knee. “She needs to keep her mouth shut.”

“I think she just cares.” Remus let out a breath. “You can ask questions if you want. If it bothers you that much. I’m not afraid. I’ve only just been diagnosed so I might not have all the answers but what I have, I’ll share it.”

Sirius cocked his head and contemplated the offer for a very long time. “Does it hurt?”

Remus lifted a brow. “Er. Does what hurt?”

“Anything? Everything? The treatment, the disease?”

Remus licked his lips, sitting back. “Yes. To both. I mean, it’s not always pain, but I never feel great. I’m always tired. And you saw what kind of nightmare the treatment is.”

Sirius lit another cigarette and found himself moving so he was just inches away from Remus’ feet. “Are you scared?” He went silent for a moment, but it was obvious he wasn’t finished with his question. “I looked it up. I saw how it…how it progresses. Does it scare you?”

Remus almost laughed, not because it was funny, or because the question was absurd, but mostly because no one ever asked him that. “Truth? I’m bloody terrified. Right now what I’ve got, it’s not as bad as most people get. My symptoms are mild. I can live and take care of my son and drive and work. But in fifteen years, who knows. There’s a high chance I’ll progress to being unable to walk or think clearly. I could go blind. I won’t be able to be there for my son the way he deserves. It’s why I’m not too fussed that men don’t want to date me.”

Sirius let out a breath. “But what if someone did want to date you?”

Remus felt his cheeks flush. “Why would anyone put themselves through that? Watching someone they care about slowly fall victim to …to this.” He flexed his fingers out and noticed they were a bit stiff. “Honestly, Sirius, would you? Would you want to go through that?”

“I…” Sirius took a breath. “If the person was worth it, yes. You’re not your disease, Moony. You’re not your past, your shattered body. I mean those things are part of you, but they don’t define you. You’re deserving.”

Remus felt his throat tighten. “Yes well, most people don’t see it that way.”

Sirius moved up to his knees and reached out. After some hesitation he said very quietly, “Can I?”

Remus nodded without really thinking, and his breath caught in his throat when Sirius’ long fingers curled round his thighs, just above his knees. “Sirius…”

“I don’t know you that well. We’ve shared very little of ourselves. So maybe I’m completely mad for assuming you’d be even remotely interested in a fucking shit-ass mess like me but…I think I fancy you. I think I fancy the hell out of you and maybe we could take Lily up on her offer to watch Teddy and I can take you on a proper date. If you’d be…interested.”

Remus was trembling now, but not from anything other than his nerves. “I think I er…would like that. Very much.”

Remus hadn’t realised what a true joy it would be to see Sirius smile like this. Because it was like the sun had come out again. It lit up his entire face, and his eyes crinkled and Remus could just make out the sharp canines poking down near his lip. And then Sirius laughed and shook his head. 

“I feel like a complete idiot.”

“You are a bit, if James and Lily have anything to say about it,” Remus pointed out.

“Oh you fit in too well round here,” Sirius said in a breathy tone, then he closed the distance, cupped Remus’ cheek in his hand, and kissed him.

It was short, sweet, tasting a bit like the spices from dinner and a little like cigarettes, but Remus found he didn’t mind it so much. Not when those soft lips were touching his with such a gentle caress of skin. And Remus found his fingers twisting into the short sleeve of Sirius’ threadbare concert t-shirt, and he pulled Sirius close enough that they were chest-to-chest. It wasn’t so comfortable in the camp chair but neither seemed to mind so much.

They pulled away slow, careful, pressing forehead against forehead, and Remus smiled. “That was…”

“Wasn’t it?” Sirius asked with a grin. “Too fast?”

Remus hummed, then pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth. “Just right?”

Sirius let out a shaking breath, his head moving back and forth. “God. God I haven’t…it’s going to sound ridiculous, like a chat-up line but believe me, Moony. I’ve not felt this way maybe ever. I feel like I’m fucking sixteen and discovering myself all over again.”

Remus gently touched the side of Sirius’ face before pulling away because if they stayed together any closer, it was going to escalate fast and they hadn’t had even a date yet. “I know. I should go in and check on Teddy. Maybe sort out that date night?”

“Go for Tuesday. I’m done early that night.” Sirius stood up with Remus, and twinned their fingers together. “See if…” He stopped. “You know what, fuck it even if it is too forward. See about that overnight.”

Remus felt his entire body go flush. “Yeah. I’ll…do that.”

He had to force himself away, and he was damned sad about it. But he found James in the bathroom towelling off Harry who was playing with a small blue boat. 

“All sorted?” James asked.

“Mostly. I er…was hoping to take you two up on the offer to have Teddy over night? Maybe Tuesday.”

James’ eyes got a small twinkle. “Did you ask him? Or did he ask you?”

Remus licked his lips but knew there was no point in lying. “Well. He asked me.”

“Yes! Yes!” came Lily’s shriek from the other room. She poked her head round the corner. “James owes me twenty quid!”

James rolled his eyes. “I thought he wouldn’t have the bollocks. I’ll see to it he’s out at a respectable time on Tuesday.”

“And we will most definitely take Teddy.” She had Remus’ boy in her arms now and bounced him a bit. “You want to come and stay with us for a night, don’t you?”

Teddy nodded. “Yeah. I do, Miss Lily.”

Lily grinned and kissed the boy before handing him off to his dad. “Tuesday then. And I expect all the gory details.”

Embarrassed, he hurried out, trying to perhaps catch a glimpse of Sirius as he put Teddy in the car, but the front of the house was dark save for a lonely street lamp a few feet away. Teddy was very nearly asleep already as Remus did up the buckles, then shut the car door, and nearly let out a shout when warm hands closed round his hips.

“Sorry,” Sirius breathed, pulling Remus in tight.

Remus felt heat shooting up his body, yet still shivered as the hands pulled him in tighter. “It’s ah…just fine. Got Tuesday night sorted.”

Sirius hummed. “Good. I’ll come by yours straight after work.”

Remus gulped, fighting the urge to dip his head low and bury it in Sirius’ neck. “Right. Good. Yes.”

A hand crept up, cupping just under his jaw, and then Sirius went up to the tips of his toes and lips met lips and Remus felt a heavy sigh escape as that warm hand held him tight. “Good night,” Sirius said from behind a breath.

Remus’ heart thudded against his ribs as Sirius stepped away so slow, the drag of his hands away from his body almost painful in the loss of contact. But he forced himself to get in the car and switch it on, and took near to a full minute to compose himself as he watched the shadow of Sirius Black cross through the front garden and round the side of the house to the lit shed where his motorbike sat.

Remus was fucked. But possibly in the best way.

*** 

Remus then perhaps he thought he’d go mad when he had all of Monday and nearly all of Tuesday to wait. But he had a busy three year old which offered him some distraction as they went down to the shops because Remus was in the mood for his mum’s old split-pea soup recipe.

So he and Teddy busied himself with it—that’s to say Remus cooked whilst the boy spread out a cyclone of toys from end to end of the lounge and creeping into the hallway toward Remus’ bedroom. Which was all well and good. The soup was done just near tea, so he and Teddy sat to eat.

Just as Remus was done mopping up the boy’s face, his phone buzzed with a text, which was odd since he knew relatively few people—all of whom usually preferred to ring him. ‘How does Teddy feel about feeding birds?’ It was accompanied by a selfie of Sirius holding up a small sack of seed wearing a wolfish grin.

Remus laughed. ‘How long have you got?’

‘Two hours. Waiting on a lab report.’ It was followed by directions which were not far off from the flat, so Remus gathered Teddy into his coat and shoes, then slipped on his oversized brown jumper—the ones where the sleeves fell over his hands because he couldn’t for the life of him find his gloves and he was aching today.

Teddy was excited to be out instead of forced into kipping whilst Remus tidied the house, and the boy was all-but skipping along the street, tugging on Remus’ hand until they got to the square where Remus spotted Sirius and James both in their work suits.

Sirius looked too good. Remus nearly lost his breath at the sight of the crisp white shirt under the black jacket. The only thing missing was the tie, which Remus saw stuffed into the back pocket of Sirius’ trousers, and he nearly laughed when he saw Sirius wearing chucks instead of proper shoes.

But both men smiled, and Teddy jumped up and down. “Padfoot! Prongs!” He dashed over, and James caught the boy up in a swing, landing him up on his shoulders.

“Alright, Moony?” Sirius asked, winking.

Remus felt his cheeks go flush. “Yeah, alright. You two?”

James groaned. “Long day. I’ll be glad to be shot of it. I miss my holiday already.” He bounced Teddy a little who giggled. “And you, Mr Lupin up there. Good day so far?”

“We made soup,” Teddy declared.

“What sort?”

“Poopy soup.”

Remus groaned and James howled with laughter, swinging the boy down to the ground and giving his sides a tickle. “That sounds dreadful. Why would you create such a thing?”

“It had peas,” Teddy defended.

Remus smiled fondly and wondered for a second how he’d come to be so lucky in just a handful of weeks. And he thought it a second time when fingers curled round his in an unassuming way, giving him enough space to pull away if he wanted. Which he absolutely didn’t.

“Come on Teddy, you want to feed some birds?” James asked. He gave Remus and Sirius a pointed look, but Sirius was unbothered as he handed over the seed to Teddy who was excited the way only a three year old could get over feeding horrible pigeons. 

“You want to sit, or walk?” Sirius asked. He pulled his fingers away and Remus felt the loss like a keen sting.

“Sit, I think. Legs are feeling a bit funny today.” He was aching all over, though these days it was harder to tell if it was from the pins still stuck in his bones, holding them together, or the disease ravaging his nerves.

Sirius’ shoulders went a bit tense at Remus’ admission, and Remus wondered for a minute if Sirius would ever be able to take it all in stride. But they still crossed the distance where they could keep a good eye on James and Teddy throwing handfuls of seed to fat pigeons.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow,” Remus said, his voice quiet, but it gave him a reason to lean in close, and Sirius’ blush gave away how the shorter man really felt about that.

“Couldn’t help myself. James bullied me.” Sirius smirked, leaning back against the bench and stretched his arm along the back. His fingers gently toyed with the back of Remus’ jumper. “Cosy today?”

“I get cold,” Remus said, looking down at his feet.

Sirius’ jaw worked, a smirk playing at his mouth like he wanted to say something dirty or funny—or probably both. Instead he curled his fingers into the back of Remus’ jumper and just held them there. “I was wondering something.”

Remus turned his head to the side, staring at Sirius’ profile and loving how the light illuminated his grey eyes. “Yeah?”

“Would it be terrible if I thought take-away at yours is a better idea of a date than…the usual stuff?”

“Are you asking if avoiding socially awkward situations surrounded by potentially judgmental strangers who all very much stare at my scars is a terrible idea?”

Sirius’ lip quirked. “I thought it might be impolite to assume.”

“Though you invited yourself to stay there already?” Remus pointed out.

Sirius’ cheeks went flush. “I know that was rude of me but…”

“It’s fine,” Remus said in a rush, then smiled and shifted just a little bit closer. “I still don’t know how to thank you for what you did.”

Sirius gave a somewhat undignified snort and dug his fingers deeper against Remus’ back. “I think you did just fine with the words. I didn’t…I had no ulterior motive, Moons.”

Remus shivered at the familiar nickname he’d been given which was now like a secret language between them of family and affection he’d never experienced before. “Didn’t think you had one. Up to that point,” Remus confessed, “I thought you didn’t like me.”

Sirius’ mouth stretched into a grin. “That was the point. I was pining away and felt ridiculous about it because I didn’t think you’d go for me. Lily told me to pull my head out of my arse.”

Remus huffed a small laugh. “Glad you did.”

A few minutes later James insisted the pair get up and walk over to get ice cream and Remus didn’t have the heart to say no. Teddy positioned himself between Sirius and Remus, holding both their hands, and it was so domestic it almost hurt.

“Come on, Florean’s a good friend of mine,” James said. “Was best mates with my dad.” He pointed to a small shop which Remus had seen dozens of times before but had never given it a second thought.

“He’s not lying,” Sirius said as they made their way over. “We were very ice cream spoilt as children when we’d come home for holidays.”

“Where was your school?” Remus asked as James held the door for them.

“Scotland.” James nudged Sirius with his elbow and they shared a look of fond memories. “Sirius had a bit of an accent by the time we had finished. He was trying not to sound posh anymore.” James winked at Remus. “He had tutors.”

Remus laughed. “Oh my god.”

“We can’t all have your delightful Welsh lilt, Moony,” Sirius complained, then waved to the old man behind the counter who looked steps away from toppling over into the grave. “Oy, Florean! We’ve bullied a new customer into trying your inventions.”

Florean came over, eyed Remus, then looked down at Teddy and his face softened. “Well, he looks like just the sort, doesn’t he?”

Sirius lifted Teddy up onto his hip. “This is Teddy. He’s my cousin Dora’s boy.”

“Well cousin Dora’s boy, what would you like to try today?”

Florean Fortescue’s shop had flavours Remus had never considered before, and strange recipes for strange concoctions. Eventually he settled on plain toffee whilst Teddy went with swirls of peanut butter, strawberry, and chocolate topped with sprinkles and several cherries.

Sirius and James chose theirs, then they went outside to sit under a shady table. “Can we have more later?” Teddy asked, his spoon hanging halfway out of his mouth.

“Manners,” Remus chastised. “And of course we can.”

Teddy kicked his feet happily, and Remus smiled when he felt Sirius’ foot curl round his ankle. They made conversation until the office rang James saying they could head back to the lab, and though Remus felt a sting of disappointment their impromptu afternoon had ended, he was left with a quick, easy kiss from Sirius on the corner of his mouth, and the promise to see him in a handful of hours.

Remus and Teddy hung round long after the detectives had gone, finishing up their treat, then headed back to the flat where Remus prepared some dinner for them. Just as he was pulling the chicken out from being roasted, his mobile went off.

‘Save me. I lost a bet and I’m stuck here until I finish James’ paperwork. He’s such a fucking tosser.’

Remus chuckled to himself. ‘How long?’

‘At least another three hours. He’s going to pay for this.’

‘Isn’t he minding Teddy tomorrow night so we can get up to adult-only things?’

There was a long pause before Sirius texted back. ‘Enough with your logic.’

Remus laughed. ‘Would you like me to bring you something to eat? I’ve cooked enough. Teddy and I could wrap it up. Unless…coming to see you at the office would be weird. I know being out er…can be difficult. In that job.’

‘I’m not bothered. But you’d have to take the tube and I wouldn’t dare ask.’

‘But what if I’m offering?’ Remus waited by his phone, feeling anxious. Maybe he was overstepping his boundaries. Pushing too far, too fast? His heart was thudding and his hands began to tremble a little.

‘Go easy on the veg. Just tell them at the front desk. I’ve already put your names down.’

Remus’ heart didn’t calm down, and when he asked his son if he wanted to go see the Met from the inside, the boy was very excited. They dressed warmly and Remus packed up the dinner picnic style and before long they were approaching the main doors and Remus wasn’t sure how to even introduce himself.

“Hi er. I’m here to see Detective Black? I’m er. Remus Lupin.”

They were given visitors badges and given vague directions to Sirius’ office which was on the third floor. He got a bit lost, was redirected, and before long knocking gently on a wooden door. Sirius opened it, let them step inside, and as he closed the door, dragged his hand along Remus’ lower back.

“Twice in one day. How can I be so lucky?”

“We brought you chicken,” Teddy piped up, and thrust the food over at Sirius. “I ate already though.”

“Well that’s good, as it is getting late. Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Sirius demanded.

Teddy held his chin up. “I’m big. I can stay up.”

“Then why don’t you go do some work for me,” Sirius said, pointing to his desk.

When Teddy hurled himself round the desk and into the chair, Remus moved to go after him, but Sirius held his elbow. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my computer locked. There’s a little art programme I let Harry muck round on when he visits.”

Remus relaxed a little, but his hands were trembling still, and he shoved them into his pockets. “Er. If you’re sure.”

Sirius nodded to a couple of chairs, then sat down as Remus made himself comfortable and wasted no time digging into the food. “This is good,” he said after his first bite.

“My dad sent me a book of all my mum’s old recipes when I finally got out on my own,” Remus explained. “Nothing fancy, of course. I’m not Lily.”

“No, but she’s singularly gifted in the ways of the kitchen, and I don’t mean that in a shitty, misogynistic way. She can make fucking magic with food.” He swallowed, then leant over his desk to grab his coffee. “But I’m not complaining about this.”

Remus flushed with pride. “Just didn’t love the thought of you cooped up in your office with no dinner.”

“I could have ordered out. But the opportunity to see you was too good to pass up.” Sirius winked and made Remus’ body temperature raise a degree or two.

“Well, I think we’ve thrown tradition out the window,” Remus said after a moment. “Normally people see one another, fancy them, go on a few dates, and see where it goes. I’ve already had family dinner with you, and you’ve spent the night at mine.”

“You’re really not going to get over that, are you?” Sirius challenged.

Remus laughed. “No. Not yet, anyway.” He hesitated and shrugged. “No one’s done that before. It was a bit of a shock. In a good way.”

Sirius’ eyes went narrow. “No one’s ever taken care of you?”

“It’s easy to do it on my own,” Remus said quickly. “I mean, having someone mind Teddy is really the big help.”

“Yes but. But comfort,” Sirius said. “I mean, I get a bloody cold and I’ve got Lily serving me tea and soup in bed for days.”

Remus let out a small laugh. “No wonder you’re not in a hurry to leave.”

Sirius tried to be mock-offended, but couldn’t help his smile. “Yes well. Besides the point. You deserve comfort too, Moony. I understand you sacrifice when you have a child, but you can’t raise a child if you’ve nothing left of yourself.”

The subject was getting a bit deeper than Remus expected for a quick picnic dinner, so he changed the subject and asked Sirius how things were going now that his big case was over.

“It’s…there’s a lot still being sorted. We’ve rounded up some of the bigger players, but there are others out there. We’re trying not to worry Lily.”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “Still death threats?”

“Mostly James,” Sirius said with a frown. “I mean don’t get me wrong, we’re safe as we can be. Both well trained. But it’s things like this which make me wonder why I didn’t just open up a mechanic’s shop like I wanted to do. Or start a punk band.”

Remus couldn’t help his chuckle. “We’d never have met if you’d gone out to become a famous rock star.”

Sirius smirked. “Oh sure I would. You’d have been in the crowd and I would have spotted you looking out of place like a dusty librarian in your brown jumper,” he reached out to give the sleeve a tug. “Then I’d have pulled you on stage and serenaded you and it would have been happily ever after.”

Remus’ cheeks were hot and splotchy. “Oh? With what song?”

“Something by Elvis, obviously. Can’t help falling in love, I reckon.”

Remus’ stomach went squirmy and it was such an unfamiliar feeling. Like he wanted to wrap Sirius up in his arms and just not let go, and it was too soon for that. One snog, and he should not have been this smitten. “Can you really sing, though?”

Sirius’ grin was wolfish again. “I might. A bit. That’s more of a third of fourth date revelation.”

Remus grinned back. “So you’re telling me I should have patience.”

“One of us ought to.”

Remus basked in the feeling of just being with Sirius whilst the detective finished his dinner, and by the time he was done, Teddy had gone sleepy and was now lying with his head on the desk. “He’s going to be a nightmare on the tube,” Remus complained.

“I’ve got James’ car tonight. He fancied a go on the bike. Let me drive you.”

“I thought you had a mountain of James’ paperwork,” Remus pointed out.

“Yes well, he won’t try and murder me until after our date. He promised.” Sirius walked round the desk, fished keys out of a drawer, shut down his computer, then lifted Teddy and put him on his shoulder.

“Oh let me. He’s heavy,” Remus complained.

Sirius shook his head. “You do this all day every day.”

They said hi to a few people as they walked down. Sirius showed off his cousin with a proud, “Looks a bit like me, doesn’t he?” to people who coo’d over the small, sleeping boy. Then they were at James’ car which had a seat big enough for Teddy to buckle into.

Unfortunately the drive to Remus’ was too short, and they were sat outside the building, Remus trying to pluck up the courage to just go. Of course just as he did, Sirius’ hand reached out and curled itself round the back of Remus’ neck.

“Is it wrong to keep kissing you like this? Before we’ve even got anything official?”

Remus gulped, shaking his head. He could see a slight glint in Sirius’ eyes from a far-off street lamp. “I’m afraid I’m a bit wankered on you, Sirius Black.”

“Mmm, I think it might be catching.” Then Sirius pulled him forward and the kiss was soft and polite, just closed lips and breath coming out fast but unafraid. Remus reached out, closing his fingers against Sirius’ shirt and they moved together like they always belonged there.

“Fuck,” Remus whispered.

“So rude.”

Remus laughed, pressing his forehead against Sirius’. “If you didn’t have James’ car, I’d ask you up. But I suppose I’ll be seeing you tomorrow so…”

“I’ll bring everything over. You just be home.”

“Plan to.” Remus forced himself to let go of Sirius’ shirt and get out of the car before he gave up and just hauled the other man upstairs. Instead he took Teddy into his arms and trudged away feeling like someone put weights in his shoes and wouldn’t remove them until Sirius was in his flat the next evening.

*** 

“…and I’ve got all the emergency numbers, some extra clothes in case he gets up to something, and some of his favourite toys. And please don’t hesitate to ring me if anything comes up,” Remus said, dropping Teddy’s things onto Lily’s sofa. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Lily had a small grin on her mouth, and she lifted an eyebrow. “Are you asking for an out? Because I’m not sure I’d approve of you standing Sirius up.”

“I…no! God I’ve been thinking about this nonstop and oh my god why am I saying that. Shutting up.”

Lily’s eyes were alight and she looked like she was holding back a laugh. “You’ve got it bad.”

Remus groaned and put his hand to his head. “So bad. He must be put off by it all by now.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed. “Why? Is he acting like a twat. Because let me tell you, Remus, he’s done nothing but talk about you since the day you set foot in this house.”

Remus flushed. “Oh. Uh. Well no he’s not…I mean we’ve seen each other a bit and it’s been…fine.”

Lily worried her bottom lip, then took a step toward Remus. “Sirius can be difficult, and he doesn’t mean to be. He’s had a rough go a good part of his life and at school he was just leaning to love himself enough to where he could love another person. James helped. Those two will have something special between them forever. But I’ve never seen him so wrapped up in someone the way he is with you. So be patient with him. If he starts acting funny.”

Remus could understand that, because he had his own bouts of it. Being battered and ill and for years certain he just wasn’t ever meant to be loved. And he still questioned why someone as vibrant and gorgeous as Sirius was would want him that way. But he wasn’t about to argue it, either.

“I think it’ll be fine, Lily.” Remus glanced out the back window where Teddy had joined Harry in the sandbox. “And you? Are you feeling well?”

“Oh aside from the fatigue and delightful vomiting every morning, I’m good. Luckily I knew what to expect this time, and Harry’s gone easy on me.”

“Well if you ever need a holiday and want to bring Harry by, I’ve got room in my flat. I mean, I know I’ve got… I mean my illness…”

“I might take you up on that,” Lily said, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “He does love you. And Harry has a habit of collecting people he loves. Moony.” She winked. “Now go on. Go fret and worry until Sirius gets there. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He was dismissed, just like that. And Lily was right, he would be sitting round just worrying until Sirius arrived.

*** 

When Remus opened the door, he was surprised to find Sirius there looking so damned insecure. Where there should have been the cocky smile and even a wink or too, stood a frown and a couple of hands clutching paper sacks of food.

“I wasn’t…I should have texted at least. Wasn’t sure what you fancied.”

Remus held the door open wider as Sirius stepped in and before where he had stormed round taking care of Remus like he owned the place, now he was rooted to the spot. 

“Table’s fine,” Remus said, frowning. He watched Sirius unload the sacks from his arms and got the distinct smell of curry and naan covered in garlic. “Good choice.”

Sirius’ cheeks went a bit pink. “Lily always makes me get vegetarian, but I went with lamb and chicken.”

Remus laughed a little. “I’m a carnivore.”

For whatever reason, that shifted the mood and Sirius crossed the short distance between them and took Remus into his arms, kissing him everywhere on the face except his mouth. His hands gripped Remus’ shoulders tight and almost desperate in a way, and Remus fought back the urge to moan.

“I er…we could skip the dinner bit if you like.”

Sirius pulled away, swiping one hand over his brow. “I think I need it. I’m…I think I’m in over my head.”

Remus knew what he meant and normally he would have been sent into a spiral of insecurity and self-deprecation but instead he fetched plates and spoons and they settled on the floor in front of the telly where Sirius put the match on, but muted the volume.

He was still in his work clothes, Remus noticed. His tie was gone again, jacket somewhere else, but his trousers were still pressed and the white shirt pristine, though unbuttoned at the collar.

“How was your day?”

Sirius barked out a startled laugh, his cheek stuffed with masala-covered naan. “Dreadful,” he said thickly, and swallowed. “I couldn’t bloody think.”

Remus let out a breathy laugh, pushing bits of lamb around through the rice. “Lily said you might get weird on me.”

Sirius went quiet, looking down at his food. “I do that. I can…I try not to.”

“I’m okay with it. I get it.” Remus let out a breath. “I feel like I’m twenty-four going on eighty with how much life I’ve had to walk through. When I was eight the car crash shattered my hips and crushed two of my vertebrae. They’ve still got pins. I had to re-learn how to walk.”

Sirius sucked in his breath. “Remus…”

“Killed my mum, that crash. Dad had to stop being sad about her because I was in a coma for a month, and when I woke up I couldn’t talk and glass had ripped off shreds of skin.” He absently stroked at an inch-wide scar across his left cheek. By my ninth birthday I took my first steps again, but I was so exhausted I slept all day.”

“I’m sorry.”

Remus gave him a watery smile. “It’s okay. I still have trouble. This fucking disease isn’t helping. I keep thinking, what am I doing? You know? Having a child to what? Watch me waste away until I’m nothing? Then you come along and make my head fuzzy and want things I didn’t let myself want and…”

Remus’ words were cut off by soft lips. He kissed whilst hands pushed the curry aside and then they were in his hair and rubbing down his back and holding him tight and needy.

“I’ve read about it. Everything. Everything that could go wrong, and everything that could go right and…does it really matter?”

Remus looked down at his lap where his fingers were twinned in Sirius’. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes I think I’m cruel for bringing a child into a world where he’s going to have to watch all that.”

Sirius squeezed him. “Your son worships the ground you walk on.” He leant back, still holding Remus’ fingers. “My mother took a fire poker to my face. Broke my collar bone in two places, shattered my nose, nearly lost an eye. I ran away to the Potters and they helped me finish out school on scholarship because my parents cut me off. My brother committed suicide a few years later, and there was a public statement about it blaming me.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “Oh god.”

“I believed them, because I always meant to go and get him. James and I would talk about it for hours. Plots and plans. We thought we had time. I took an overdose when I was nineteen.”

Remus felt his throat tighten. “Oh.”

“James found me. He was…fuck. He was so furious. He didn’t talk to me for three months. He just stormed round the flat and went through my things all the fucking time and never let me have a second of peace. It took me a while to understand he loved me. Took him a while to understand how to show his care and concern in a way that wasn’t so suffocating.”

“So it wasn’t just his parents passing.”

Sirius shook his head, letting his thumb trace patterns along the underside of Remus’ wrist. “Not just that. I don’t think he’s scared for me anymore. I…I’m not all the way better. But I know myself.”

“Oh hell, what a pair we make,” Remus said, and Sirius threw his head back and laughed.

“Truest statement I’ve heard in a long time.” Sirius bowed his head. “I don’t care about people easily. But you’re like a fucking tidal wave, Moony. You just short of showed up and swept me away and I gave up trying to fight it.”

Remus fought back the urge to grab him and pull him down and just have him right there because they hadn’t got that far yet. “And here I thought you just didn’t like me. Who knew?”

“Not a couple of daft twats with communication issues, apparently,” Sirius said.

Then they were kissing, and somehow they were up and going down toward Remus’ bedroom where it was a little bit colder and darker, but the bed was soft. Sirius was tugging at Remus’ ridiculous jumper and Remus was trying to undo the buttons but his fingers weren’t working.

“Fucking hell, I hate my body.”

Sirius carefully swiped all the buttons back through their little holes. “There, team work. You can finish me off.”

Remus felt a growl rumbling in his chest full of desire he hadn’t let himself give in to since before his son was born. His hands were not behaving and even pulling the shirt down was a struggle, but he did it. And then they were naked and beneath the duvet and pressed chest-to-chest with mouths lazily pressed together, tongues dancing and licking a little too wet, but so good.

“I want…” Remus shifted and his erection pressed into Sirius’ thigh.

“Yes.” Sirius’ tone was plain, agreeing to anything, everything Remus wanted because he wanted it too.

The emotions were almost overwhelming though and maybe not everything tonight. So Remus shifted again and they were pressed together and because his hands refused to just be helpful just this once, he gripped the tops of Sirius’ shoulder whilst Sirius reached between them and stroked them together in a rhythm that sent Remus’ head into a spin.

“Oh,” he breathed, feeling himself approaching the edge. His teeth grazed against Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius let out a hiss, shoving himself forward involuntarily as Remus bit down a little harder again.

Then they were cresting and spilling and it was hot and sticky but so good. It took several long moments for their breathing to even out and eventually Sirius went off, having known Remus’ cupboards and cabinets now from taking care of him. He returned with a warm flannel and mopped up the mess before settling back down and giving Remus a lazy kiss, licking along his bottom lip.

“It’s so early. I can’t believe I’m drifting off,” Remus said.

Sirius hummed, a bit higher up on the pillow with his nose buried in Remus’ tawny locks. “It’s okay. We’ll have the morning. And any time after this.”

*** 

Stumbling out of the loo, Remus collapsed back into his pile of blankets on the sofa, and smiled when a warm hand caressed his back. “Flannel?”

Remus’ entire body was wracked with pain and spasms from the vomiting. Lily had Teddy now for this round of medication, and Sirius was determined to stay until the worst was over. Remus shifted so his head rested on Sirius’ thigh, and he closed his eyes as the wet, cool cloth drifted across his brow.

“You sure you don’t need to go?” Remus’ voice came out hoarse and edgy, barely above a whisper, and he tried to clear his throat but it did no good.

“I can work here just as easily.” Sirius had his free hand scrolling through sensitive police information that he’d probably get sacked for being so careless with it, but it was clear he didn’t care much.

Remus was in no position to argue, really. Never in his life had anyone taken care of him like this. Not even in hospital when he was younger. The nurses were kind, but just doing their jobs. And this was…it was hard to explain what it was.

It was careful hands and ginger soup and endless cups of tea. And it was fingers threading through his sweat-soaked hair, unmindful that he probably smelt as ill as he felt but Sirius seemed to care about him anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. Some angst. Honestly I was in the mood for absolutely disgusting fluff. Because it makes me feel better about the lack of it in my life. And I am such a slut for platonic!Cuddling James. Like I want to write and entire fic dedicated to that. See the bottom for more notes as well because I need advice on my next project.
> 
> Hope you like this. xx

The first Sunday of December brought with it the news that Tonks was returning from her trip abroad. Just for the two week holiday she had between her end of term and start of for the spring. She did email a lot, rang weekly to talk with Teddy over the phone, and was always good about sending him toys and things whenever she saw something that struck his fancy.

The problem was, Remus wasn’t sure how to tell the mother of his child about his newfound relationship. It had been just about three full months of Sirius and Remus officially a ‘thing’ and he felt like it was a face-to-face conversation.

However that face-to-face was rapidly approaching and it was something he knew he had to discuss with Sirius as well. Which left him doing it during their Sunday dinner over at the Potters.

“Well, it’s time to talk about Christmas,” Lily said, resting her hands over her slightly swelling belly. She was now five months gone to the pregnancy and she learnt they were having a girl, and having a right difficult time coming up with a name because James and Sirius were being ridiculous about the whole thing, and Remus was far too new to feel comfortable saying his own preferences. The discussion about Christmas was sudden, but it was interrupting a row between Sirius and James who were near to slitting throats over whatever stupid bet they had going on down at the Met over some detective Remus didn’t know.

James, of course, stopped mid-sentence because he absolutely loved Christmas. “Alright lads,” he said, then eyed Lily, “and lady. This is serious business.”

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “Not my business. You know how I feel about holiday cheer.”

James rolled his eyes as Sirius winked at Remus. “You know I’m not talking about you, you arse-faced…”

“James!” Lily cut in, giving both Teddy and Harry—who were paying much more attention to their pudding than the adults—a pointed look.

“Er. Right.” James looked properly ashamed of himself as he sat back. “Now, the important thing is to schedule in our decorating. Of course we’ve got to take Moony’s schedule into account this year. Oh and I expect you’ll be fine in the guest house, won’t you Moony?”

Remus lifted a brow. “The er? Guest house? I’m sorry, what?”

“James, please for the love of god have some decorum.” Lily leant across the table. “He’s assuming without asking you haven’t got plans and you’d be staying with us.”

“Of course he is,” James crowed. “Remus, you’re staying with us, right? He’s not daft, Lily. Everyone wakes up with family on Christmas. Now, as I was saying, I’ll have someone come in and tidy it. Don’t think anyone’s been in since Marleen was here last and…”

“Guest house?” Remus repeated again.

Sirius gave a long-suffering sigh and leant over to explain. “It’s next door. Lily and James used to stay there when Mr and Mrs Potter lived here. And I was there as well after my parents er…” Sirius stopped and scratched at the back of his head. “Anyway. James is a bit of a nutter about Christmas.”

“I’m sorry but I’m not a nutter about the best holiday with the best food and presents, man! Bloody presents!”

“Right Father Christmas, he is,” Sirius whinged. “He’s insufferable. You might want to run whilst you still can.”

Remus hid his smile from behind his tea. “Well as kind of an offer it is, I don’t want to…”

“Oh no. None of that,” James said, waggling his finger at Remus. “None of your silly I’m not family martyr shit, Moony.”

“You know, Teddy has other family to see, James,” Lily cut in. “Is Andromeda returned?”

“Her and Ted, yes,” Remus said. “We usually have Christmas Eve with them so…”

“So you do that and come back here. It’s not hard. Sirius, tell your boyfriend to stop being such a twat. Sorry boys.”

The boys were still not listening, seeing how much chocolate they could dribble onto the floor without Lily making a fuss.

“James, if he doesn’t want…” Sirius stopped, looking at Remus. “Do you want? I mean, to stay here?”

“Well er…” Remus worried his bottom lip. “I was actually hoping to have a chat with you before I confirm plans.”

James was clever enough to know that meant shut up so Remus and Sirius could wander out to the shed where the bike was parked. They curled their pinkies round each other’s as they strolled, and stopped in the dim light of the dusk sky.

“Alright, Moony?”

Remus took a breath. “Well I’ve heard from Dora and she’s coming back. For the holidays.”

Sirius stiffened a little. “Oh. Right well makes sense you and Teddy should be with…”

“I haven’t told her about us yet, but I planned to do it when she got here. I didn’t think, hey I’m in a relationship with your cousin and we shag near constantly is exactly an email conversation.”

Sirius let out a little snort and pulled Remus over, kissing him softly across his cheeks. “I see.”

“Well I er…thought if you’re on okay terms with her you might be there? Soften the blow a bit. Don’t think she’ll have a problem but neither one of us has actually dated much after having Teddy and it might get weird, you know? Especially with how mad Teddy is for you.”

“Jealous?”

“You’re disgusting,” Remus said fondly, tilting his head down for a proper kiss. “But she’ll want to see Teddy a lot over those days and probably for Christmas.”

“It’s fine. It should be a family thing.”

“Except that you are. You lot. You and James and Lily and Harry.” Remus’ fingers started trembling and he cursed inwardly, but felt himself melt a bit when Sirius closed his hands round them, gentle and unassuming. “Maybe we could, I dunno, invite them?”

Sirius’ eyebrows went up. “I think you might give James an aneurism of happy. Nothing gets him going like having guests over for this bloody holiday.”

Remus laughed. “Not your favourite, is it?”

“Never been. Never been great. I mean, the Potters were wonderful after all that…” he waved his free hand, “…rubbish. But there were a lot of bad memories.”

Remus nuzzled his nose into Sirius’ cheek. “Maybe we can make good ones? And if I do stay over at James’ ruddy stupid guest house, would you stay in it with me?”

“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away, you know.”

They went back in to give the news to James who whooped and swung Harry up in his arms. The toddler giggled loudly. “Again, P’ongs!”

“Dad. Just once. Christmas gift to your poor, devoted dad, won’t you?”

“P’ongs!”

When James set his son down, Remus watched as Sirius slipped the boy a Jelly Baby and his eyes went wide. “Oh my god,” he hissed. “You’re encouraging him.”

Sirius grinned, his teeth gleaming, and he tugged Remus in for a kiss. “Don’t you dare say a word.”

Remus hummed his disapproval, but when he closed his mouth tight, he was rewarded with his own treat—a gentle kiss pressed to the underside of his ear. “Shall I stay at yours tonight?” Sirius breathed.

Remus hummed. “I would not be adverse.”

Sirius took a step back, then grabbed Teddy by the wrists and swung him up, landing the boy on his hip and blew a raspberry against his cheek. “What say you, Mr Lupin? Shall I stay at yours?”

“Will you read me a story?” Teddy demanded.

“Don’t I always?” Sirius bounced the boy as he hurried down the hall to fetch Teddy’s things, and Remus caught James smiling fondly.

The taller detective’s arm came round Remus’ shoulders and he squeezed him. “He’s mad for you both, that one. Never thought I’d see the day.”

Remus quirked a brow, ignoring for now the almost painful comfort James’ arm brought—the feeling of family Remus never really had. “Really? But he’s so good with Harry.”

“That’s different. He’s…you know, Harry. Sirius was always bound to love whatever Lily and I made. But it’s different with you and Teddy. Sort of like a gaping hole none of us realised was there until you both showed up.” James planted a wet kiss on Remus’ cheek and nuzzled him much the way Sirius often did, and Remus wondered if that’s where his lover had learnt it all from. “I’m so excited for Christmas, Moony. It’ll be great. It really will. Prepared to have Teddy spoilt and I won’t hear a word against it. You as well. I expect long texts of Christmas gift lists.”

Remus sputtered, trying to deter James since Remus had very little money at all, but Lily came in and shook her head. “It’s no use, Re. He won’t be stopped. It’s a curse really. The cross we must all bear.”

“Dreadful, it is,” Sirius declared as he walked back out to the lounge with Teddy still on his hip, and his own overnight case slung on his shoulder along with Teddy’s things. “Come on, this one’s getting tired. James, see you in the morning. I’ll expect my coffee piping hot and at least three pasties to get me through the day. Lily, take good care of the little sprog for me, will you. All your veg, hmm?”

“Get out,” Lily said, rolling her eyes.

Sirius led the way outside toward Remus’ car. “I think I’ll take the tube in the morning, force James to wait on me at the end of the day and drive me. Unless you’d like me to follow.”

Remus smiled. “It’s my day off. I could even drive you.”

“You’ll want a lie in after tonight,” Sirius promised in a low voice, making Remus shiver from head to toe. Sirius took the keys, not even bothering to ask anymore as he got in, and Remus enjoyed the break and the ability to lean back in his seat and let his body relax.

His symptoms were still there. His body a right bastard on even the best days, but with Sirius things just seemed less awful and Remus thought that even in the future if things went as bad as they could go, even then he might be alright.

*** 

‘I feel like I may vomit.’ Remus hit send, then felt like a bit of an idiot. He was waiting at Heathrow for Tonks with Teddy in tow, and Sirius hadn’t been able to get his afternoon off so he would be by for dinner as soon as he could duck out. And it really was stupid. Remus and Tonks were dear friends and had always been there for each other so why should he be so damned worried.

‘Here. Enjoy this selfie of my beautiful face.’ Next came a picture of Sirius with an open-mouthed grin, pasty everywhere.

‘That is rude and disgusting and I’m breaking up with you.’

‘Better?’ Next came a dark photo which Remus could just make out the waistband of Sirius’ pants and his flaccid cock nestled in his dark hair.

‘Oh my god. You didn’t. Tell me you’re not in your office.’

‘Maybe I am. Did that help?’

‘I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day you vile pervert.’ Remus then sent several x’s in a row and Sirius sent heart-eye emoticons. ‘Her plane’s landed. Any second now.’

‘She loves me, you know. It’ll be fine.’

Remus wanted to believe that. He was desperate to. Because what if she wasn’t okay. What if she threatened to take Teddy? Or demand Remus break it off? What if she wanted Remus to wait until Teddy was older?

There were too many variables for Remus to have a reasonable hypothesis on how this evening would go and it was driving him mad.

“Dad?” There was a tug on Remus’ jumper, and he looked down at Teddy who was squirming in his seat. “Is she here yet? Is mummy here yet?”

“Only just landed. It’ll be a bit now. Just be patient, okay?”

Teddy sighed, then went back to his colouring book where he was scribbling bright blue across a massive dinosaur. Remus rubbed his palms over his face, feeling the pins and needles in the tips of his fingers and he swore under his breath. The very last thing he needed right now was an attack. He took in a few calming breaths and thought about Sirius and how whatever happened, he had support. Sirius wasn’t going anywhere and Remus knew that even if Tonks demanded he give up the relationship, Remus wouldn’t be doing anything of the sort.

Thirty minutes went by before he spotted a shock of green hair coming through the crowd. Tonks was grinning and half-walking, half-running when she saw them sat in the waiting seats. She had one case pulled behind her and though it had only been a handful of months, Remus felt like it had been years. And a warm burst of love erupted in his chest because this was the mother of his child and one of his dearest friends.

She threw his arms round his neck and kissed his cheek. “Oh my god you have no idea how good this feels.”

Remus hugged her tight. “Oh I think I have some idea. How are you, how was the flight?”

Tonks straightened up and looked at the small boy in the chair who was now perched at the edge, face tight with anticipation. “Oh it was good. Now, young man, you have to help me. I’m looking for my son. He’s small, bit like a baby really. Goes by the name Teddy Lupin.”

Teddy’s eyes went wide. “But that’s me! I’m Teddy and you’re my mum!”

“That can’t possibly be. You’re far too big.”

“I am. I am big! Miss Lily measured me and I’m bigger now and everything. Did you bring me presents?”

Tonks glowered at Remus. “Gone for nearly four months and he asks for presents?”

Then Teddy jumped up and launched himself into his mum’s arms. Tonks was wet round the eyes and hugging the boy tight as Remus took over pulling the case, begging his fingers to just obey for fucking once so they could get to the car and get on with their day.

They went straight to Remus’ flat since Tonks was staying with Andromeda but wanted to spend some time with Teddy and Remus before getting settled at hers. She sprawled out on the sofa and shot Remus a winning smile when he provided her with tea.

“God. Their tea there is shit. Complete shit.”

“Mum!” Teddy chastised from the floor where he was playing with his Captain America lego set Tonks found before flying over.

“Yeah well…it is.” She looked over at Remus who sat down. “Everything there is bizarre. Huge—their food is massive, drinks, cars, buildings. I have this flat, just a bedsit, but I swear Remus it’s as big as this place. But it’s not so bad. I’ve made some friends.”

“Good. I…” Remus took a breath and noticed the tremors had come back and he tried to hide them. “That’s good to hear.”

Tonks was staring at him hard. “Has it got bad? How are the treatments? Mum said she left during one and…”

“I had help,” Remus said quickly. “I sort of…I don’t even know how to explain it, really. I mean I expected to just have childcare and suddenly…”

“James jumped in like the fucking mad rabid animal he is and made you some weird fixture in his life?” Tonks said. “Yeah, he does that. Not to a lot of people, mind. I never got lucky enough. But I had a feeling it would be like that with you. You’re his sort.”

Remus flushed all hot and tingly because it wasn’t just a thing. Not a thing James did with everyone. Which oddly made it both better and worse. “Well point of it is, things were fine.”

Tonks nodded, sipping her tea. “Meet my cousin, then? He still shacking up there?”

“Sirius? Yeah.” Remus felt his throat go tight and funny, and he cleared it. “Good er…good bloke, Sirius. Gets on with Teddy.”

“You mean Padfoot,” Teddy said. “He likes snogging dad.”

Tonks choked hard on her tea whilst Remus flushed red-hot like his entire face caught fire. “I’m sorry…he what?”

“Snogs dad. Stays over and has lie ins for ages and ages,” Teddy said. The little sell-out. “Miss Lily and Prongs thinks it’s funny. When dad drops me off they talk about it.”

Remus couldn’t meet Tonks’ gaze. “I er…the thing is, I was going to tell you. Not like that, mind,” he paused to glower at his son who wasn’t paying any attention. “Felt like it was a face-to-face sort of conversation.”

Tonks was frozen, tea halfway to her mouth. “You and Sirius?”

“Er. Yes.”

“Together.”

“Ah…”

“Shagging?”

Remus flushed harder if that was at all possible and both hands were now completely numb from panic and stress. “Well. Yes.”

She cleared her throat and shook her head. “I mean, I always knew he was bent, you know. With everything that happened and him getting disinherited and all. I just never thought you’d go for someone like him.”

Remus blinked. “Someone like him?”

“Reckless, bit mean even on his good days.”

Remus blinked again. “Are we talking about the same Sirius Black?”

“Who talked a classmate into going on a frozen lake when he knew the ice had cracked? Who was in rehab? Who tried to off himself more than once…”

Remus gulped. He’d heard of two of the three. “He’s not like that anymore.”

“Well we’ve only had tea on the occasion over the last few years,” Tonks said, her voice slow and thoughtful, “and you know I trust your judgment Remus…”

“I would never let anyone round Teddy who was reckless or cruel,” Remus defended.

“I know,” she insisted. “I just…I guess it’s just not something I pictured.”

“Are you…” Remus stopped himself. Did he care if she was alright with it? “I’m happy,” is what he said instead.

“And you?” Tonks asked, giving her son a nudge with his foot. “You like Sirius, do you?”

Teddy brightened. “Um he’s my favourite. More than poopy.”

Tonks howled with laughter. “Now that is saying something.”

“He reads me stories,” Teddy said. “And flies me round the garden. And he builds lego. Big lego castles.”

Tonks’ eyebrows lifted. “Does he now?”

“He’s a bit mad for Teddy,” Remus said quietly.

“And you?”

Remus let out a puff of air. “I like to think so. We haven’t got round to talking about it much. But er…he’ll be by. For dinner. We had intended on telling you together.”

“I’m glad Teddy sold you out,” Tonks said. “I’d have needed a minute to process.” She finished off her tea and handed the cup to Teddy. “Be a love, hmm? Help your tired mummy.”

Teddy grabbed the tea and rushed it to the kitchen.

“Four months ago he’d have told me the toddler version of sod-off.”

Remus laughed. “That’s all Lily.”

“Oh I’ve no doubt.” Tonks’ expression fell. “You know, it’s not that I wanted things to be horrible, but I didn’t realise it would hurt to see you and him doing so well without me.”

Remus worried his bottom lip. “There’ve been moments. He misses you. Doesn’t cry for you much, but he never really did that. There are times I missed you, missed being able to just ring you and have you come over and doing things together.”

“Sirius helps, though?”

“In different ways.” When Tonks waggled her eyebrows, Remus gave her a shove. “Not like that. It’s just different with him.” He sighed. “Lily and James want to have Christmas at theirs. Wants you and your mum and dad over. Think they’ll say yes?”

“They love the Potters,” Tonks said. “Won’t be a hard sell.”

“And you?”

“I think it’ll take the pressure off of doing something big since I’ve got to fly out before the first.” She kicked one leg up on Remus’ thigh. “You do miss me though, don’t you? I’m not being replaced?”

Just then Teddy came hurtling back into the room, bypassing his lego for his mum’s arms instead and she nuzzled him, burying her nose in his hair.

Remus watched the scene fondly. “No one could ever replace you, Dora. Ever.”

*** 

Remus sent two texts. ‘She knows.’ And, ‘Still come over, please.’

Sirius declared he’d bring take-away, and he arrived at half six with boxes of Chinese. Tonks met him at the door, giving him a punch in the arm the moment he stepped through. “Buggering my son’s father!”

“Oy!” he cried, stepping round her. “I’m a detective, I’ll have you know. Assaulting a detective is a major crime.”

“Only when he’s not a giant twat!” She yanked him down and kissed his cheek. “Teddy sold you out, by the way.”

“Tiny Judas, I always knew it. He’s yours after all,” Sirius said as he plonked the food down on the table and pulled her in for a proper hug. “So how is it? Are you American, yet? You’ve almost got the accent.”

“Have not, fucking tosser.” She kicked him in the shins whilst Remus watched from the kitchen.

“You do realise we have a child here who is a giant sponge and will one day be going to school telling everyone about how people are fucking tossers.”

“I wouldn’t,” Teddy cried. “Bad words!”

“Unlike poopy,” Sirius said.

Teddy grinned, then got up to a run, diving into Sirius’ arms and was flung in a circle before he nuzzled up against Sirius’ shoulder. 

“Were you good today? Have you earned a sweet?” Sirius asked, bouncing him a bit.

“Yes. I even helped mummy with her tea cups and didn’t argue and we kipped in the second bedroom.”

“Good boy.” Sirius kissed his cheek, then let him slide down before he could walk to Remus and kiss him soundly. “At least I can do this without fear.”

“Oh there’s plenty to fear,” Tonks said, but her voice was thick with affection, “but not from that. I approve of pouf behaviour.”

“Only because you’re half one,” Sirius said. “She ever tell you what she got up to during her sixth form?”

“To the grave,” Tonks cried. “You swore.”

Remus laughed, wanting to ask but instead got out plates and utensils to serve out the dinner. They picnicked on the floor on one of Teddy’s old blankets covered in Winnie the Pooh and Remus let Teddy watch Lilo and Stitch whilst the grownups talked and listened to all of Tonks’ American adventures.

“Now you two. How the hell did this happen?” Tonks demanded. “I demand an immediate explanation. Thorough and gory.”

“Child present,” Remus murmured, though Teddy was engrossed in the film and was paying them no attention.

“Well it was a tough sell. You know, I’m icy and rude,” Sirius said. “But eventually he wore me down.”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “I did what? I made one phone call, to Lily’s mobile I’ll have you know, and next thing I know he’s staying over and mopping my forehead and taking Teddy to the zoo and sweet shops.”

Tonks quirked a brow. “So basically you two tossers just acted like idiots until either Lily or James told you to stop and snog already.”

“Something like that,” Remus said, and smiled when Sirius leant against him and took his hand.

“The rest of the gory details are private.”

Tonks let out a sigh. “Well that’s all well and good, but let me just say you two had better not fuck it up. Teddy’s already got enough weird parenting going on in his life. Be the strong couple who never breaks it off. Make sure his greatest fear is of you two splitting up because you’re just so great together he can’t imagine life without it.”

Remus flushed. “It’s been four months, Tonks. I…”

“Done,” Sirius said, and pulled Remus a little closer. “I can do that.”

Tonks eyed him. “I will kill you. I know how to hide a body. I doubt anyone would miss you. In fact they’d throw me a bloody parade and name a holiday after me.”

“Oh yes, Tonks day,” Sirius drawled. “I can see it now.”

She grinned. “Fine. Well I’ll take Teddy now and let you two get up to your dirty business.” She rose. “Teddy, you want to come and stay at gran’s with me?”

Teddy looked hesitant, which he never had before. “But…? Padfoot’s here.”

“Yes,” Tonks said. “But I’ve missed you and besides we have an entire day of fun things to do.”

Remus nodded. “Promise we’ll be here when you get back.”

Teddy was less than thrilled which surprised Remus. The boy gave him and Sirius both too-tight hugs, and was a little watery round the eyes as he left. Tonks was unbothered though, kissing both Remus and Sirius on the cheek.

“Ring if you need anything,” Remus said.

“I’ll update you with my plans tomorrow. And yes to Christmas at the Potters’. Mum already said that’s fine.”

Remus shut the door and turned back to Sirius. “I’m sorry. I mean, she’s your cousin so you know how she can be. I mean we haven’t even…”

Remus was cut off by Sirius’ warm arms pulling him in tight. A mouth came in close to Remus’ ear and in a breathy voice was a whispered, “I love you, Moony.”

Then time stopped. Or so Remus was convinced it had because although it was implied every single day in every gesture, Remus hadn’t thought Sirius would say it. Not yet. Not the always-cautious, always convinced he might get hurt Sirius Black.

“Oh. Oh.” Remus was backing up, eyes wide and blinking. “I…You do? Me?”

Sirius almost laughed, reaching out to rub a finger down Remus’ cheeks. “Of course you. So surprised, are you? Am I really an ice queen? Or do you just not love me back?” The hint of insecurity sobered the moment almost instantly.

“Oh my god, Sirius. I just…god.” He shook his head, then flung his arms round Sirius’ neck. “I love you too, daft idiot. I do.”

*** 

It was two weeks before Christmas, and one day before Remus’ next treatment so he skived off work and he and Sirius decided to do a bit of shopping. He’d already got books for James and Lily—a bio on James’ favourite rugby player and a set of cookbooks for Lily, but he still had Tonks, Harry, and Teddy to buy for.

“Just need to make a withdrawal,” Remus said. He was feeling wonky a bit, legs a little uneven and his hands were low functioning. But with Sirius by his side he wasn’t too fussed about it, and knew they’d call it an early night anyway.

They walked up to the bank and Remus paused by the little counter to fill out a withdrawal form. He had the paper under his fingers, and he was looking at the lines, but it was like his brain gave a great hiccup and none of it made sense suddenly. He’d done this a thousand times, but right then he couldn’t remember. He just…

His hand began to shake. “I er…” His voice got thick and his eyes burned. “Sirius. Sirius I er…”

Sirius, who was tapping away on his mobile, looked up. “Alright, Moons?”

Remus was unable to speak, though right then he wasn’t sure if it was his shitty disease or just the horrifying and embarrassing realisation that he couldn’t fucking remember what to do next. “Can you help? I can’t…” His fingers trembled hard and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Sirius, his face a mask of concern, leant his head down and spoke near Remus’ ear. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t remember,” Remus said, forcing the words out like he was speaking through a mouthful of honey. “I can’t…I can’t remember what to do. On the form.”

Sirius blinked, not quite understanding at first, but it didn’t matter because he took up the biro and slid the paper over and filled out all the information he knew. “They can do the rest at the counter,” he said, and put his arm round Remus.

The entire situation was surreal, and eventually Remus had what he needed and they were back outside, and he was half-collapsed against the wall, his shaking hands over his face.

“Hey,” Sirius breathed, holding him by the shoulders. “Hey it’s okay. Was that er…?”

Remus nodded. “Part of the MS?” he said bitterly. “Yeah. It was. Up to now I haven’t…it’s not been like that. The cognitive stuff. Up to now it’s just been my fucking hands and sometimes my legs but…” He took a shaking breath. 

“You tell the doctor tomorrow and it’s fine. It’s really okay.”

Remus let out a choked sob of frustration and shook his head. “It’s not though. Because…because it could get worse and…”

“And it gets worse. Or it doesn’t.” Sirius dragged his fingers down the sleeves of Remus’ too-large jumper, then curled his hands round Remus’ shaking ones. “I’m here though. Okay? Let’s go find a place for tea. Then we’ll make a plan on where you want to shop and we’ll keep it quick and simple. Okay?”

Remus took in a breath, nodding. Because that helped, more than he thought Sirius probably knew. A short, simple plan. Reduce the stress. Have some tea to re-centre and it would be okay. It would be.

There was a café not far and Remus got himself a black tea and held it tight, savouring the warmth. Sirius helped himself to coffee and two large pains au chocolat which he devoured much like an excited puppy, so much that it made Remus laugh and the situation began to calm itself without even really trying.

“God. You’re disgusting.”

Sirius gave him a chocolate smile. “You love me though.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus sat back. “Not going to let me forget that one, are you?”

“Never. On my death bed I’ll be doing something vile and disgusting and you’ll be lecturing me about it and I’ll be croaking out with my last breath, ‘Oh but Moony, you love me!’”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, then I’ll have to die immediately after so I can follow you into the afterlife because god knows what kind of nonsense you’ll get up to over there.”

Sirius’ eyes softened and crinkled at the corners, and Remus thought, ‘Yes. Yes I do love him so much.’

“Well, now that I’m full of sugar and vile things, we should go shop. You’ve got your list, I’ve got mine. Then I have a plan. A little pre-Christmas surprise for you.”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Oh?”

“I’m not going to tell you, you git. That’s why it’s a surprise, so put away the sad puppy eyes.”

“I’ve not got sad puppy eyes.”

“Wolf ones then, Remus,” Sirius drawled, and held his hand out to his lover. “Come on. I know all the short-cuts.”

Which he did, and their shopping excursion only took an hour, of which Remus didn’t have any more spells and in fact felt a bit stronger by the time they got back to his flat. When the door shut, Sirius immediately had his nose in Remus’ neck. “You smell good.”

“I smell like the shops, and all the people with their horrible perfumes,” Remus complained, but didn’t make any effort to push Sirius away.

He let Sirius drag him by the arms to the bedroom where it was surprisingly warm and the bed was still unmade. He let out an ‘oomph’ as Sirius shoved him to the bed, and watched with heavy, warm eyes as Sirius made a show of unlacing his boots and pulling of his wool socks and then undid the zip on his trousers.

“So this is my surprise?” Remus asked.

“Me undressing you?” Sirius gave a small laugh, his head shaking. “That’s my treat. Yours is coming up.” He took his time though, unwrapping Remus like it was the most precious holiday gift he’d ever received.

Then when his lover was naked and shivering from anticipation instead of the cold, Sirius went to his case and came back with a small, brown bottle. Remus eyed it, a little suspicious. “What’s that?”

“Lily made it.” Sirius uncapped it, then set it on the bedtable and shrugged out of his own shirt and jeans until he was sitting in just his boxers. He shifted onto the bed, straddling Remus’ thighs but put no weight on them. “She learnt it in some course she took her first year at Uni. Some ridiculous homeopathic course.” Sirius tipped the bottle onto his palm and Remus saw an amber coloured liquid, honey-thick, pouring out.

Sirius smooshed it between his fingers as Remus tried to relax. “Sirius what…”

But hands were on him, and at first it was a little cold, then a pleasant warmth seeped into his muscles and he gave an involuntary groan. “Thought you might like it. She gave it to me one year after I crashed my bike.”

Remus lifted a brow and tried to look up, but he was too relaxed to make that much effort. “You crashed your bike?”

“Another stupid, youthful mistake. Tried to take it home after the pub.” When Remus frowned, Sirius sighed. “Look, you’re going to learn loads that’ll make you think less of me, so my job is to hurry and get you to fall so deep in love that none of it will matter.”

Remus did peer his eye open and reached out with one hand, cupping Sirius’ cheek. “You’ve already got me there. I don’t like hearing those things but…mostly I guess I feel frustrated I wasn’t there to help you get through it instead of you having to spiral.”

Sirius deepened the massage over Remus’ hips and Remus let out a low groan. “No one could have helped. I love James like…well there’s no words, really. None at all, for how I love him. But even he couldn’t stop me.”

Remus wanted to argue that it would have been different with him, but he couldn’t be sure. Because maybe Sirius had to go through all that to become the man he was that Remus could love. And that would have to be enough.

Those thoughts were flying out of his head though as he began to drift off under the careful hands of his lover which was drawing every ache and every bit of tension away from him. In fact, he was nearly asleep and he jerked himself awake. “Oh,” he said. “Oh it’s too relaxing, Sirius. If you want to shag…”

“I always want to shag, but this is for you, you daft bowl of day-old porridge.”

“Oy,” Remus said, trying to sound offended but he was too tired.

“I don’t care if it’s my cock in your arse or me curled up in your arms as the little spoon. They’re both perfect. So enjoy your massage and go to sleep.”

“Your skills of woo’ing leave something to be desired,” Remus said, his voice thick with the coming sleep. He rolled to the side, then all the way over when Sirius prodded him and those fingers began work on his back. They traced every scar, every bit of his skin Remus had once hated and showed those parts so much love Remus wondered how he ever survived before this. And maybe really, that’s all it had been.

Surviving.

*** 

“Well, Mr Lupin, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about specifically.” The doctor had just finished administering his treatment, and now sat back, looking at him with curious eyes. “It was bound to happen.”

Remus felt his jaw trembling. “Right. I mean, I know but…does it mean…?”

“That you’re progressing quickly?” He sighed. “Could mean that, yes. But it could also mean you’ve been overly stressed. The holidays are a good time for that, as I’m sure you well know. And you’ve recently had changes in your life. If it becomes a problem, we’ll look into it further, but expect these things. This isn’t an easy condition to live with, but we can manage it.”

Remus wanted to shout that yes, he could, with drugs that made him feel so dreadful he sometimes wondered if useless limbs were preferable to them. He wanted to shout that the doctor could say things were manageable, but what was managing, exactly? He didn’t know what it was like to live like this. To never know when his arms would give out, or his legs would just not want to work. Or when his brain would just forget how to do the simplest task. Or that he never knew when it was suddenly going to get bad and the medications were going to stop working. And what if it all happened before he got done living. Enjoying life. Raising his child.

Instead Remus gave him a watery smile and made his next appointment, trying to hurry home before everything got bad.

Sirius showed up two hours earlier than expected. He let himself in and found Remus stumbling back from the toilet, face pasty and covered in sweat.

“Oh. You’re early.” Remus’ voice was hoarse from the bile scraping against the already abused skin inside his throat. “You’re going to get in trouble if you keep skiving off for me.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m too charming. They never let punishments stick. Besides, all they’d do is suspend me and that just means more Moony time.”

Remus rolled his eyes and tried to smile but everything just fucking hurt and he collapsed on the sofa, burying his head against the pillow. Sirius quickly went into his bedroom and pulled out his fluffiest down comforter that sat inches high and surrounded him like fluffy marshmallow. It was only used in dire times of discomfort and ill, which was now.

Remus let out a happy sigh when he was wrapped in it, and he let the fatigue take him away as Sirius curled up on the end of the sofa, Remus’ feet in his lap, giving him a gentle massage between his toes.

It was dusk when Remus’ eyes opened again, and Sirius was standing over him, brushing hair out of his eyes. He was dressed in work clothes, and his face was a mask of frustration. “Just got called in. There’s been a murder.”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Oh god!”

“It’s fine. I mean it’s not fine, it’s a fucking murder. But it shouldn’t take me long. James is on scene already.” Sirius knelt down and pressed a kiss between Remus’ brows. “Will you be alright?”

Remus gave a dry laugh. “I’ve been doing this a while before you, Sirius.”

“Yes, and now you’ve got me and I know it’s hard to survive without me.” Sirius kissed the tip of Remus’ nose. “Sleep until I get back. I’ll make you ginger soup. Could be hours, though.”

Remus reached out a shaking hand to cup Sirius’ jaw and hoped his hands didn’t smell too much like sick. “I won’t be doing much for several hours, so it’s fine.”

“I love you.”

“Mmm yeah, you do,” Remus said. “Love you too.”

Remus was out again before the front door even closed. He got up three times to be sick, then sip water before curling back up in his cocoon of Sirius-made blanket marshmallow. He didn’t bother to look at the time.

It felt like an eternity later when Remus woke to hands brushing through his hair, but they felt different. It wasn’t Sirius at all. One eye peered open and found a pair of brown eyes staring at him through round specs. Remus startled a little. 

“James?”

“Sirius is making your soup.”

“Time’s it?”

James shrugged. “Just gone midnight. Don’t get up, you idiot,” James said when Remus tried to move. “I mean, unless you need to.”

Remus groaned in pain, but felt okay for the moment. “No I just…you know shitty way for me to play host.”

“I’m not here for you to play host. My god.” James shifted the blankets down a little. “Sirius said you were poorly during your treatments and you know…when he’s poorly nothing cheers him like a good cuddle from Prongs so I thought I’d offer my services.”

Remus flushed a little. “Oh? Should I be jealous? Should he?”

“No you vile perverts,” James said, but shifted the blankets and it was then Remus realised James was in his shirt sleeves, trousers, and socks only. But he didn’t argue when James eased himself under the massive comforter and put his arms round Remus. “Just trust me. It helps.”

It was…strange. Unexpected. Remus had gone from having people fear to shake his hand to having these grown men all over him and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. But he was too exhausted to think too hard and he let his head flop back down as James cuddled him and the weird thing was, it did feel good.

A few moments later a third body joined them, wedging himself under four legs, and a warm hand closed round Remus’ ankle. “Prongs cuddles are the best,” Sirius said in a gentle voice. “You need a bigger sofa though.”

“Hmm, need a bigger salary for that,” Remus muttered. The comfort was causing him to drift off again. “Don’t you two have police work to be doing? Can you imagine what your mates down at the office would think of this?”

“Jealous, that’s what they’d be. Seething. Green, even.” Sirius squeezed Remus’ ankle. “We’re all sorted with work. James was just worried about you.”

James brushed Remus’ hair back again. “Lily’s got great cuddles too, if Pads and I are ever busy. Remember that.”

Remus smiled and tried to open his eyes, but couldn’t. Eventually James removed himself, kissing Remus atop his forehead before Sirius took over, and Remus heard murmured voices before the front door clicked shut and there were different—even better—warm arms round him.

“Was it too weird?” Sirius asked.

Remus huffed a laugh into the crook of Sirius’ neck. “It should be. It really should be. But it wasn’t. Which then makes it weird again.”

Sirius pressed feather-light kisses along Remus’ jaw. “Welcome to our world of bizarre, mostly inappropriate, and a lot of cuddles.” He was silent for a few minutes, and Remus was almost drifting off when Sirius spoke again. “James gave me my first hug.”

Remus blinked his eyes wide awake. “Your first?”

“That I can remember.” Sirius shifted so he had his back pressed to Remus’ front, and pulled his lover’s arm tight round him. “I got a letter from home first year. Asking me to stay on for the Christmas hols because they didn’t want to see my face. It was better, you know. Being there. No beatings. But it hurt and I felt so stupid. I was in the common room crying and James came out and found me. Thought he was going to take the piss, of course. Crying like a fucking nance in the chair by the fire. Instead he just sort of sat down and threw one arm round me and hugged me. Cried harder, felt ridiculous.”

“Oh Sirius.”

“After that he’d climb in my bed when I had nightmares and somehow they weren’t so awful. They didn’t stop, but I stopped thinking they were real whenever I’d wake up and he was there.” Sirius shifted a little. “You don’t talk about yours much. But I know. I can tell when a person is touch-starved and maybe it was wrong of me to bring James over to crawl in there with you like that but he loves you. Hell, almost as much as I do, I think. Lily too, and Harry. And I just…”

Remus kissed the back of Sirius’ neck. “Thank you.” It came out a whisper, but it was all that needed to be spoken.

*** 

Tonks brought Teddy back a few days later. Sirius had been working late on their new case, and Remus hadn’t seen him much, but he was feeling good, so he and Teddy went to feed the birds and arranged a playdate with Lily since Teddy was missing his friend.

The drive out to Godric’s Hollow was short, and Teddy was all-but bouncing in his seat. “Is Prongs and Padfoot going to be there?”

“Not sure. Probably not,” Remus said as he turned down the Potters’ street. “They’re working a lot.”

Teddy groaned. “But dad, will you and Padfoot get married? Then he can live with us and I can just see him then instead of driving allllll the way out here?”

Remus almost choked. “Er. Well…”

“Do it!”

Remus sighed. “We’ll see,” because it was the only thing that would shut the boy up for now. He pulled up and hurried them inside, out of the freezing December air.

Lily was in the lounge and Harry was colouring at a small table. He looked up with huge, bright eyes as Teddy and Remus walked in. “Moony!”

Remus suddenly had an armful of two year old, and he pressed a kiss to Harry’s face. “How are you? Miss me loads?”

“Um. Yes.” Harry squirmed down to go play with Teddy as Lily let out a small laugh. 

“He’s been asking for you both for days.”

Remus scratched at the back of his head as he sat down on the sofa near her. “Sorry. Was poorly last week from treatments and with Dora back, he’s been at hers.”

“Is it hard? Splitting time like that?”

Remus shrugged as he leant back against the cushion. “Sometimes, but we’ve been doing this since he was born. I think I was always used to the idea that he wouldn’t always be just mine.”

Lily let out a breath. “That terrifies me. I love James, I do. But you know it wasn’t always roses here. We had…there were times when we…” She stopped and shook her head. “And I’d think to myself, can I do this alone? Wouldn’t that mean splitting everything?”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. He’d never considered Lily and James to be anything other than LilyandJames, which was ridiculous really. “Change—even the thought of it—is terrifying.”

Lily looked at him for a while. “I guess you know that better than any of us, don’t you?”

Several hours later it was decided that Remus and Teddy would stay until Sirius and James got in. Which was earlier than usual. Remus was excited to see his lover, but the dark expression on his face set Remus taking a step back.

“Alright?”

Sirius looked at Remus for a long moment. “I’m going to have a shower.” Then he was off and Remus felt deflated.

An arm came round his shoulder and squeezed. “It isn’t you,” James said quietly. “Rough day at work.”

Remus bowed his head a bit. “I told him if he kept skiving off…”

“His family—what’s left of it—has been implicated in some hate crimes. And there was a break-out at the prison. His cousin and her husband escaped.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “Oh my god.”

“Don’t let him push you away. Just be patient with him.” James gave Remus’ shoulder a squeeze and then he went to change.

Sirius did not come out for dinner, or afters. Remus knocked on the door a few times, but it remained firmly shut, and eventually Remus decided to let it be. “I should just go,” he said, putting his tea down. “Obviously he needs his space.”

Lily looked torn, but neither her nor James argued. “He’ll feel better once he’s got some sleep,” she said.

“You’re welcome to stay though, if you like,” James offered.

Remus shook his head. “Better not. Isn’t my place.” He rose, then looked round for his son. “Seen Teddy?”

“He was off with Harry. Check Harry’s room,” Lily said.

Harry was in there half-asleep playing with a large train, but Teddy was nowhere. When Remus passed by Sirius’ room, he saw the door cracked and a small voice talking so low, Remus couldn’t hear it. But he heard a rush of laughter, and feeling emboldened, he pushed the door open and he saw Sirius and Teddy curled up on Sirius’ bed.

Teddy had a book on his lap, and he was curled into Sirius’ side. “So then the frog said, I could eat poopy. And everyone liked it.”

Sirius laughed again, and when he looked up, his eyes met Remus’ and his face was softer. “He thought a book might cheer me up.”

“Padfoot was having a moment like I have moments,” Teddy explained in his small voice. “Books help, right?”

Remus nodded. “They usually help you. What say you, Padfoot? Has the book helped?”

“Well I’ve never heard this particular rendition of the Princess and the Frog.”

“The Poopy and the Frog,” Teddy corrected, and Sirius chuckled again. “Can I stay here? Can we stay? I’m tired and I don’t want to get in the car.” Teddy wormed his way under Sirius’ duvet and Remus felt his heart clench a little.

“We shouldn’t. I think Padfoot needs some grown up time to himself.”

Sirius’ jaw went tight, then he gave a jerking nod toward the bed. Remus felt torn, but unable to stop himself, he walked over and sat primly at the edge. Rolling his eyes, Sirius reached out, grabbed Remus’ hand, and yanked him over. The bed was hardly big enough for all three, but wedged between the wall and Sirius, Remus found a comfortable spot.

“M’sorry,” Sirius breathed, burying his nose in Remus’ neck. “M’so sorry.”

“James told me. It’s okay. And it’s okay if you need space,” Remus insisted.

“Thought I did. But then the munchkin came in and read to me and I realised nothing feels better than this.” He pressed a kiss to Remus’ neck. “Look at me, all grown up. What a load of shit.”

“Bad word,” Teddy chastised.

“Sorry munchkin. Head’s full of them tonight.” Sirius ruffled Teddy’s hair, and Teddy settled back down with his book. “You want to stay?”

“Haven’t got anything with me,” Remus said. “And you’re too tiny for me to fit into any of your things.”

Sirius licked a stripe up Remus’ neck discrete enough to keep the boy from seeing, and Remus stamped down on his groan. “We should do something about that. You know. You not having things here.”

Remus huffed, but when he looked up at Sirius’ face he knew he’d do whatever he needed to make it work.

*** 

Three days later he found himself with Lily after Teddy had gone back with Tonks. “I’m thinking photos,” Remus said. “I haven’t got money, you know. Not enough anyway and honestly I don’t even know what Sirius would like. But I thought maybe a few candid photos of us in frames?”

“I’ve got loads,” Lily said in a rush.

Remus suspected as much, as he was always hearing shutter sounds coming from Lily any time he, Teddy, Sirius, and Harry were in the lounge or out in the garden. “Can you email them?”

“Do you one better.” She dragged Remus to James’ office. “Photo printer.” She pulled up a file which was marked SRT, and his eyes widened when he realised she was not exaggerating. She had hundreds. It took them the better part of an hour, but eventually he picked out three, and had them printed. He could get cheap frames, and he could only hope Sirius might like them.

“I was thinking of something else. I er…” Remus hesitated, ruffling his tawny curls. “Thing of it is, I wanted to give Sirius a er…a key. To mine. I mean, maybe ours. I don’t want to take him away but…and well my flat is complete shit because it’s all I can afford and I know he’s used to better but…”

Lily took his hand and squeezed it. “He’ll say yes.”

The week and a half passed in a blur and the next thing Remus new, it was Christmas Eve and he was in his car with his case and the plan to stay with Sirius in the guest cottage was unfolding. He was all nerves, not because of the night over, but it was his first Christmas with someone he really loved. And his gift—the second part of his gift, could make or break them. And he was terrified.

Things were good as they were and what if it was too fast? What if he said no? What if, what if, what if.

“You’ve been sitting in the car for five solid minutes,” came a voice at Remus’ window.

He looked over and saw Sirius leaning against the side of the car, a cigarette clenched between his teeth. He gave Remus a wolfish grin. “Right. Sorry.”

“Intimidated, are you? Suddenly aware of my amazing and overwhelming sexual prowess?”

Remus rolled his eyes as he got out of the car. “God you really are in love with yourself?”

Sirius spread his hands. “Who wouldn’t be?”

Remus looked at his lover’s jeans and t-shirt and rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you cold? Aren’t you afraid this weather will shrivel your bollocks? Then what use will you be to me?”

“At least I’m not dressed like it’s the bloody arctic.”

Remus huffed and pulled his case out. “I have pins in my body, Sirius. Actual pins in my bones that freeze when it’s cold out. Insensitive prick.” When Sirius’ face fell, Remus laughed and yanked him over by his belt loops. “I’m joking, you fucking idiot.” He kissed the smile back onto Sirius’ face. “Not about the pins thing. Or about the cold. But about you being a prick.”

“But the insensitive part?”

“You know you are,” Remus breathed.

Sirius took his hand and led him round the side of the house to the cottage, bypassing James and Lily’s altogether. “We’ll see them in the morning. I want you to myself. Sick of James trying to hoard you. Bloody bastard.”

Remus laughed as Sirius pushed open the door, and he was met with a pleasant floral smell. The place was small, barely bigger than a bedsit. The kitchen ran into the lounge which ran directly into the small bedroom where a cosy bed sat under a window. Across was the bath and toilet, and that was it. Hardly a place a person could live, but for Christmas it would be warm and lovely.

Sirius already had a fire going, which helped chase away the chill of winter. “Happy Christmas, you Welsh bastard,” Sirius breathed into his ear.

Remus dropped the handle on his case and turned to kiss Sirius full on the mouth. “And you, punk rock loser.”

They licked their way into each other’s mouths as they backed up through the small rooms and onto the bed. Remus was on his back, Sirius hovering over him, making good work of the skin below Remus’ ear. “You know, I bet Harry was conceived on this bed.”

Remus gave his lover a shove. “God, Sirius. Are you trying to kill the mood?”

“What? How dare you!” Sirius laughed and pushed Remus back down. “I’m saying this bed makes lover’s dreams come true. Which I plan to do with yours.”

“And if James comes bursting in here because he knows I’ve arrived and not said hello.”

“Then he’ll get a good look at my full moon as I’m buggering your arse, won’t he?”

Luckily that night James did not come bursting in, and Remus did get a good buggering without the misfortune of interruption.

*** 

Sirius and Remus woke late on Christmas day. As Tonks wouldn’t be by until Boxing Day with Teddy so they could all do presents together, the couple could have a nice lie-in, and Remus decided he wanted to give Sirius his gift early, before anyone else was round.

“Morning,” Sirius said as Remus began to stir from sleep.

Remus turned on his side, feeling careful, warm fingers ghosting up along his side. He pressed a happy smile into his pillow. “Mmm. Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas.” Sirius took a long breath in, letting it out against the side of Remus’ face. “You know, I can’t remember saying that and actually meaning it until now.”

Remus let those words wash over him and had a hard time finding a reason to get up. “I have something for you. A little gift. Wanted you to have it now.”

Sirius’ eyes went bright, and he said nothing a Remus clamoured from their warm covers, hurrying over to his case where the tiny, wrapped box sat stuffed inside the sleeve of a jumper. He pulled it out, hurried back to the bed, and cocooned himself.

“It er…it’s…” He wasn’t sure how to address it. Will you move in with me sounded ridiculous. He’d be happy just letting Sirius have the key to come and go as he pleased. To just say, my home is your home however you like it.

Instead, like the bloody coward he was, he just shoved it over, and Sirius twirled it in his hands. “Why Mr Lupin, are you trying to make an honest man out of me?”

Remus flushed. “Just…god you great fucking git. Just open it.”

Sirius took his time, like the hideous tosser he was, and peeled away the edges until Remus was ready to just rip it to shreds himself. But then the small box lay bare and Sirius popped open the top. “A key.”

“To mine. Or er…” Remus took a breath, still feeling like an idiot. “I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to. So basically I’m trying to say what I have belongs to you however you want it. Whenever you want it.”

Sirius wasn’t looking up at him, just staring at the little silver key sitting there at the bottom of the shitty box, his hands holding it so tight his knuckles had gone kind of pasty white. “Remus,” he finally breathed.

Feeling the first stages of panic, Remus pulled away slightly. “Fuck. I…it’s too soon? Right? I figured. I mean…it’s not…I don’t want to…”

His words were cut off by a desperate, heavy mouth and sweeping tongue. The key clattered to the floor as Sirius grabbed Remus by the back of the neck and held him fast and steady. “You’re ridiculous, you know that? So fucking ridiculous I almost can’t stand it.” He pulled away, dragging his fingers down Remus’ cheeks. “Are you asking me to move in with you, you soppy bastard?”

“I mean. If you like. My place isn’t great. It’s shitty and poor and small and…”

“And it’s got you and Teddy and every time I come back here I’m wishing I was with you. So yes, you sappy, romantic fuck. Let’s move in together.”

Remus felt his throat tighten because it felt like every time he thought he was wrong—every time he thought he was misreading where they were or who Sirius was, he’d go and do something like this and make it all right again. “Okay.” He could hardly speak for the smile threatening to split his face. “Let’s.”

*** 

Course they had to tell James, whom they saw helping Lily with the Christmas breakfast. Harry immediately launched himself into Remus’ arms, and he took the chance to spirit Harry away, leaving Sirius to do the difficult bit of breaking the news.

Ten minutes into playing with Harry and the trains, there was no shouting or breaking things, and Remus felt safe venturing out. But not before he gave James his gift first—something special he’d been thinking about for a while now. Something to soften the blow perhaps?

“Harry, can we have a chat?”

The toddling two year old nodded solemnly and Remus felt so much love for this child, almost like his own. He patted the floor next to him, and Harry sat obediently. “Now, there’s something very special I want you to do. Can you do it for me?”

“Moony!” Harry said. “Um. Yep.”

“Good. Good boy. Now I want you to go into the kitchen where your mum and dad are, and I want you to say this. Can you say this?” Then he leant forward and whispered something in his ear. Harry whispered it back, and Remus smiled. “Exactly. But can you say it louder?”

Harry did so.

Remus grinned. “Just like that. I want you to walk up to your dad, hold out your arms, and when he picks you up, you say that.”

Harry nodded, and Remus rose, taking the boy by the hand. They ventured into the kitchen where James and Sirius were leant against the counter, and James turned accusing eyes on Remus. “You.”

Remus hid his smile by gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “Broke the news, did you?”

“I don’t know who you think you are, sir, but I’m here to tell you…” James paused when Harry toddled over and put his arms up. The boy looked back at Remus, who gave him a solemn nod.

Then Harry turned to James. “Happy Chersmas, daddy.”

The entire kitchen froze, and James stood staring at his son with wide eyes and a half-open mouth. “What…did you just say?”

Harry looked back at Remus again who nodded for the boy to repeat it. “Happy Chersmas, daddy.”

There was a great whoop and James swung the boy round and round until he was giggling and Sirius managed to side-step the whole event, sliding up to Remus. “Dirty, rotten bastard. You’ve undone all my hard work.”

“For a good cause. He’ll love me again after stealing you away.”

“Don’t bet on it,” James said, but he leant forward and pressed a sloppy kiss to Remus’ cheek. “How?”

Remus shrugged. “He rather likes me.”

James rushed down the hall shouting, “Let’s go show mummy!”

“He’ll be back to Prongs in no time,” Sirius said with a nod. He nudged Remus with his elbow. “So, live-in boyfriends. Never had one of those. I snore, you know. And you’re untidy. And we’ll row.”

“Yes, all of that is true,” Remus said. “And you’ll get a full glimpse of me at my worst. Because I get angry at my body a lot.” The conversation went from playful to serious because it was actually necessary. “Not just the few days of treatments. It’s…”

Sirius yanked Remus over for a kiss. “I love you, you fucking thick-headed dolt. All of you, which includes your body. Which I rather like shagging.”

Remus flushed. “Yes well…”

Sirius kissed him again. “Let me get your tea. Then we can go do Christmasy stuff.”

*** 

The day flew by, and Remus talked to Teddy over the phone, then they had a traditional dinner. They exchanged one gift each, then it was to bed for everyone. Remus curled up with Sirius with the fire blazing the entire cottage warm, and both were too exhausted to really get much done besides a good cuddle.

“So, we’re really doing this?” Sirius asked, stroking the tips of his fingers down one of Remus’ larger scars. “You really want me in your space all the time?”

Remus laughed. “Course I do, idiot. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. And I get nervous because what if it’s going too fast? But I think of how much I fucking miss you when you’re not there. And how happy I am. And how happy Teddy is and I just…” He let out a breath. “It feels strange. My place is such shit.”

“It’s not. I know I’m spoilt,” Sirius murmured, laying his head down. “I am and even when I was disinherited, the Potters took me in and they had bloody millions so they took me in like it was nothing. But yours, Remus…ours, it feels like home.”

Ours. Remus tried the word out, and it gave him warm fuzzies all over. He leant over and kissed the tip of Sirius’ small nose. “Okay then. But just know if you change your mind or if anything becomes too much, we can step back. You won’t…I mean, I’m not going anywhere.”

Sirius’ eyes fluttered closed. “How the hell did I get so lucky?”

Remus laughed and threaded his fingers through Sirius’. “Maybe you were just a really, really good boy this year.”

*** 

The rest of the holidays went over without much fuss. Teddy was spoilt beyond belief, Sirius was able to pack some of his things and they made a slow transition between the Potters’ and Remus’. Teddy was over the moon about the whole thing, and even Tonks seemed pleased.

It was an adjustment, of course. Remus tried to keep tidier, though his condition made it more difficult. And Sirius had to get used to Remus just not being able to do things sometimes. And they did row. Over silly things like who put an empty jam jar back away, and why did Teddy get a sweet before dinner, and who’s fucking towel was left a sopping mess on the floor.

Sirius also pushed the issue of Remus working because he could afford to pay all the bills and didn’t understand why Remus was so dead-set on keeping his bookshop job. “You don’t even like it that much, and you come home hurting,” Sirius argued one night. “For fuck’s sake why can’t you just let me take care of you.”

“Because I need this,” Remus said, frustrated that Sirius didn’t get it. “I can’t…” He took a breath, trying to calm himself because his legs had gone wobbly and he had to sit. “I need normalcy. I keep thinking, I should go back to Uni, but it would mean more stress and I can’t even fucking type most days because my shit fingers. And do you know what it’s like to struggle on disability services, Sirius?”

That made his lover’s cheeks go pink. “No,” he admitted.

“It’s dreadful. I have to fight for every small accommodation and I don’t have it in me to do that. So I have this stupid job with the shit salary because it’s something I know, and it’s something I can do and I just…need it.”

His hands were shaking hard now and his words were slurring and Sirius quickly walked over, taking Remus’ face between his palms. “Okay. Okay I get it. I do. I want you to consider maybe getting into a bigger place—and you can still help afford whatever you want to afford. But let me help. And before you get huffy and all constipated about it, it’s not because I think this place is shit. But there’s three of us now and Teddy’s about to turn four and this is it. You and me, you piece of tea-soaked toast. For good.”

Remus felt his whole body shiver. “Idiot.”

“Which in Moony means I love you.” Sirius stepped back when Remus rose from the chair. “Lily and James are expecting us tomorrow. I want us not rowing and all sorted. Understood?”

“Bossy,” Remus complained. He walked round Sirius to put the kettle on, but when he got to the cooker everything went a bit fuzzy and he stared at it. There were several steps he needed to take but his brain had just sort of stopped and he felt his hands clenching at his sides. “Sirius?”

“Yes, my jar of marmalade?”

Remus gulped. “I er.”

It was a tone Sirius knew well, and he was immediately at Remus’ side. “What’s happened?”

“I want…tea. But I can’t…” Remus clenched his fists. “I can’t fucking remember.”

Sirius put his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Okay. It’s okay. Just…you want tea. So what do you need for it?”

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and took several breaths. “Tea bags. Mug. Water.”

“In that order?”

Remus wanted to shout at him because he didn’t fucking know, but he realised what Sirius was doing and he remained calm. “No. You need…” He licked his lips. “Water.” He reached for the kettle and let his muscle memory bring him to fill it, then he set it back on the burner. It ticked as he turned the knob, and a flame erupted. 

“Then?”

Remus pulled down a mug. “You as well?”

“Please.”

He took down a second.

“And then?”

Remus was calming rapidly and his mind sort of unclenched. “I’ve…I’ve got it.”

Sirius smiled, like a ray of fucking sunshine and Remus’ entire body went warm with love for him. “Good. I’ll have milk and sugar, if you please.”

As Remus resumed the tea-making, Teddy came out of his room and climbed onto Sirius’ lap as the detective sat at the table and spread the day’s paper out in front of him. He read Teddy a few articles that were too grown up for the almost-four year old to understand, but Teddy never seemed to mind it. It had become routine.

The tea was done and Remus was calm.

*** 

“They’re not serious. Not right now. We’ll be keeping a watch on them, but it’s most certainly what’s causing your cognitive issues.”

Remus was trembling a little in his seat, this time from nerves. “It’s not…it hasn’t…”

“Progressed out of Relapsing-Remitting?” The doctor shook his head. “No. You still have decent bouts of recovery, and most of your symptoms seem to be triggered by stress. If these lesions don’t get worse, I’d say that you could easily experience months, if not years of being mostly symptom-free.”

It sounded lovely, it did, but it also seemed highly unlikely. They were switching treatments now, to something he’d be taking daily in order to help with his memory problems. The side-effects would be much the same, at least until his body got used to the medication, but it was worth a try.

“How are your hours at work?”

Remus frowned, staring at his hands. “Er. Same as usual.”

“Any new changes at home?”

Licking his lips, Remus shrugged one shoulder. “My partner moved in with me.”

“Partner?”

“Boyfriend.” Remus had disclosed his sexual orientation when he started seeing his specialist, and they’d done a full-panel workup on his blood. “We eased in, but round the New Year he’s been there nearly full time.”

“It’s an adjustment. Have you considered discussing with him perhaps lowering your hours at work? Or other ways to reduce stress in the home? Is he educated on your condition?”

Remus clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to lower my hours at work, and yes. He knows what it’s about.”

“I don’t mean to pry. But these are things that could help. I realise independence is important to you, but not when it could risk your literal independence.”

Remus understood what the doctor was saying. He could get worse, could end up in a wheelchair or unable to speak or swallow properly. “I know. I do. I just…” He breathed. “Let’s see how the new medications work and then we’ll…go from there.”

“Just what I was going to say.”

They shook on it, and Remus left. He made his way to the car, stopping to send a text asking Sirius to pick up the prescriptions on his way home, then after getting a load of emoticons which he interpreted as, “Yes love, of course I’d be happy to help,” he got in the car and started toward Lily and James’.

He and Sirius still spent a considerable amount of time there. Sirius didn’t like being away from Harry for long—nor did Remus for that matter—and Harry and Teddy were close as siblings could be. Lily was getting closer and closer to her due-date—come May the newest Potter would arrive—and by then Remus would have to arrange alternate care for Teddy.

Or, perhaps the doctor and Sirius were both right. Perhaps it was time to let go of the bookshop. Perhaps doing that didn’t mean he was losing anything. If he was home with his son. How many parents did that without any other reason than to just be home?

Remus decided to stop by the flat for a bit and take advantage of having the place to himself. Teddy would be content for a while, and he’d meet Sirius there later and perhaps have dinner with the Potters before heading back.

Maybe, Remus thought, they could look for a new place? Maybe close to James and Lily. Maybe even in the direct area. What was the point of having family and being separate?

He went inside and laid flat on the sofa, covering his eye with one arm, and he breathed gently until he was lulled to sleep. By the time he woke, it was later than he expected, and his mobile had died, so he quickly rushed out the door and began the short drive over.

Something was unsettled in his gut as he approached Godric’s Hollow. Something…just off. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Except when he turned the corner and there was smoke. So much of it, clouding the sky. There were emergency vehicles everywhere and Remus began to panic. He pulled his car to the side of the road and jumped out, saying a prayer to any and every god listening that it wasn’t the Potters.

God no. It could not be. Not with his son, not with Lily and Harry and possibly James and Sirius. It was close enough to when the detectives would be off shift and…

His knees felt like they were going to buckle. There was a crowd round the front of the Potter’s garden and everything was smoking. The front of the house was blown to bits. Everything was rubble.

Remus didn’t know how to react. His brain was shutting down but his legs were propelling them forward and he was shouting his son’s name as he tried to get through the crowd. But someone had him by the waist. Holding him tight and yanking him back.

“Let me go!” He shouted, twisting. “Let me…TEDDY!”

“He’s fine. He’s alright,” a familiar voice said in his ear. Remus nearly crumpled to the ground as he turned his head and saw it was Sirius holding him. “Lily got them out. It’s okay. They’re okay.”

Remus’ entire body was shaking. “What…what…?” was all he could get out.

“We don’t know. Half the fucking Met is here trying to figure it out. There was an explosive. It…” Sirius’ voice was thick and tense as he yanked Remus to the side. “Our flat.”

Remus’ knees went weak and Sirius managed to get to the kerb and ease Remus down. “What?” he asked numbly.

“I was…I have men over there. Looking for you. I thought…” Sirius’ voice was trembling. “Just got word not ten minutes ago. Your mobile went straight to voicemail. It…”

It was then Remus realised the panicked state Sirius was in. “Oh my god.”

Sirius was stroking his face now, not caring about who was watching. “I thought…” He didn’t say it.

“Who was it? Who did this?”

“Riddle supporters,” Sirius spat. It was obvious he was latching on to anger because the fear of almost losing Remus was too much. Remus got it. Because his son… “My psychotic cousin, no doubt. I’m going to fucking find her…”

“Daddy!” Suddenly there was a little boy running through the crowd and he wedged himself between Remus and Sirius, holding tight. Remus could see James holding Lily and Harry, and he gave a firm nod, his eyes wide, hard but watery.

Remus held on to Teddy, not letting him think about the what ifs. “Will she do it again? She obviously failed.”

“I don’t know.”

When things were a bit calmer, and Remus wasn’t shaking—nor was he currently thinking about his flat because he just _couldn’t_ yet—James made his way over and without any pretence, yanked Remus into a tight embrace.

“I was petrified, mate. We thought…we…” His voice was tight. “You’re okay. You’re okay, though.”

Remus nodded and gave him a short pat on the side of the neck. “I’m fine. Was on my way here.”

“Got detectives over there looking for evidence.” James ruffled his already messy hair, then reached down to pick up Teddy who was still looking a bit shell-shocked. “They’ll meet with us later.” He glanced over at Sirius who hadn’t let go of Remus’ hand. “We’ll get us somewhere to stay tonight. The six of us. It’s…we should stay together.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. I er…” But they were being called over, so James passed Teddy back to Remus. “Go over to Lily, yeah? I think she’s still a bit shaken.”

Remus hitched Teddy up on his hip, trying not to process the what-ifs right then and he was pulled into a tight embrace, her small hands clutching at his shoulder. “You’re okay,” she breathed.

Remus glanced over at the ruins that were once the Potters’ quaint home. “And you.”

Lily brushed a shaking hand across her brow, and Remus noticed dirt on it. “We’d gone for a walk. Harry was insistent, you know. Normally he’s not but he was making such a fuss I thought it would tire him out. We were just coming round the corner when it…” Her voice trailed off, shaking hard. “If we’d been ten minutes later…or five earlier…”

Remus took her hand and squeezed it. “But you weren’t.”

Her jaw was shaking and she held Harry tight to her shoulder. “I know. I know we weren’t.”

Harry turned his head and his green eyes fixed on Remus, his mouth spreading into a grin. “Moony. Hi.”

“Hi yourself, Harry.”

He and Lily managed to trade off kids and in silence decided to give profound thanks to the Universe that it was all okay. Because it was. It was all okay.

People began to disburse and the case was getting sorted. Lily and Remus were off to the side with the boys and Sirius and James were doing their sodding jobs—as much as Remus hated it because he just wanted them over here.

And it was okay.

Then something rustled and there was a series of pops. James went down first, clutching his side. Someone screamed and two men went rushing off and Remus was frozen, watching as Sirius’ eyes went wide and then he was down. White shirt blooming with blood just pouring out onto the pavement. There was a buzzing in his ears, and everything started going white.

*** 

It was sometime late in the night when he really came to. He had a vague memory of riding in the ambulance next to Sirius. Andromeda had showed up at some point to collect both boys. An arrest had been made, hadn’t it? Bellatrix and her husband. Arrested. They had guns. They’d shot James and Sirius.

James was recovering. Hit in the shoulder. Patched up, but staying in hospital overnight.

Sirius was still in surgery.

Remus’ head was going fuzzy again and he forced himself to take a few breaths and told himself it had to be okay because it fucking had to. Because it was Sirius, and they’d just started to get happy and settled and why would the Universe give him something like this just to rip it away.

But Sirius had been hit in the stomach and it perforated his intestines or…something. Remus had fucking tried to listen, he really had but it was all so fucking muddled. Like the dredges in an old tea cup.

A hand closed round his wrist and he looked up to see Lily. “Nothing yet.” His voice came out like day-old toast. He cleared his throat. “I…they said it could be a few hours. With the repairs and…and…”

Lily was pulling him to his feet. “James is asking for you and if you don’t come now I swear he’ll get up out of the damned bed and tear his stitches and no one wants that.”

Remus let himself be led, numb and shaking, down the corridor, up the lift to James’ room where he was recovering nicely. Lily whispered something like, “I’ll be in the waiting room in case the doctor comes out.”

Remus wanted to shout at her that he had to wait because if it was something wrong…but James was pulling him down to the bed. “Your IV,” Remus tried to complain.

“Lily’s already been on this bed with me for the last hour,” James said, shifting over to make room. He had his good arm round Remus and held him tight. “Nurses tried to scold her but I wouldn’t let them. I won’t let them say shit to you, Moony.”

Remus wanted to fight him but there was comfort here and though he wasn’t letting himself be afraid yet… “He er…he’s strong.”

“The fucking strongest.” James held him tighter and Remus vaguely remembered hearing about how James had been when Sirius had attempted to take his own life. He looked up at the DI and saw fear there in those brown eyes. “He’s going to pull through. He’s Sirius fucking Black. He always pulls through.”

So they took a quiet comfort in each other like they’d been there since the dawn of time instead of just a handful of months. And an hour later Lily returned. “He’s out of surgery.”

Remus’ entire body was humming. “Oh.” It was all his mouth would let him say.

“They’re keeping him under for a day or two because the pain right now is pretty bad. But he’s going to be fine.”

And there it was. Those magic words and he was crying into James' hospital gown like a child and unashamed because Sirius was going to be fine and the people responsible were arrested and maybe they weren’t safe but he was going to be fine.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

James held him and Lily stroked his hair and Remus realised he wouldn’t have to go home and tell his three year old boy that the man he’d come to see as a second father was gone and they weren’t going to be in pain forever.

*** 

Remus saw Sirius a few hours later, but he wasn’t awake. In fact he didn’t wake up for three long, agonising days, but Remus had only ever gone to Andromeda’s to eat, shower, and kiss Teddy before he was right back in the chair near the bed.

Then they started weaning Sirius off the drugs and he poked one eye open just round noon. “God, you look like shit, Moons.”

Remus nearly cried again. “You’re no work of art yourself, you filthy degenerate.”

“Fuck.” Sirius groaned, trying to roll to the side, but he hissed in pain.

“Best not do that. Your insides are scrambled worse than the eggs I cook.” Remus leant over the bed and pressed a kiss to Sirius’ sweat-soaked forehead. He smelt of hospital and anaesthetic and everything awful he hated about this place. But he also smelled like life and recovery because he was going to be okay.

“Did they…are you…” Sirius took in a shaking breath. “Bloody hell, Moony. I…”

“Bellatrix and her husband.”

“Oh hell.” Sirius closed his eyes. “Bet she loved it. Bet she fucking loved it. She’s been wanting to do that since we were kids.”

Remus dragged his hand through Sirius’ tangled hair. “Arrested though. High security prisoners and last James heard, a few others were arrested as well. And you’re going to be fine. We’re all okay.”

Sirius lifted one, shaking hand up to Remus’ wrist and held it. “James?”

“Took a bullet to the shoulder. Already discharged. He and Lily are sorting out somewhere to stay. You’ll be in here a while, yet.”

“Fantastic,” he groaned.

“Well the less you protest, the faster you get better and get let out. Teddy’s been running himself mad. Had to chase Dora away from airline tickets she was so worried. I told her you’ll see her over the summer.”

Sirius’ eyes closed as the IV machine clicked, and he let out a hum. “Oh. Oh that was quite lovely. What’s that?”

“Morphine pump,” Remus said with a slight laugh. “Keep you all silly and loopy for me.”

“Always silly and loopy for you, Moons. Love you, you know. Love you more than I've loved anything ever in my life.”

“Ah you’re just high,” Remus scolded, kissing Sirius’ temple. 

“On my love of Moony.” Sirius gave him a lop-sided grin. “Wanna marry you, you know.”

“That’s the morphine talking,” Remus said, but his voice went all funny and tight.

“It’s legal now. Civil union and all that. We could. I could get down on one knee. Was gonna get a ring but James said it’s too soon. What does that fucking twat know anyway. Took him ages to propose. Lily nearly had to.” Sirius’ eyes fluttered closed. “Was gonna do it over Christmas. But maybe your birthday. Can you forget about it, Moons? So I can surprise you.”

Remus was shaking all over and trying to keep himself composed. “Of course, Pads. Please sleep and get better. Can’t think of life without you.”

“Never gotta.”

Sirius was up and about a week later. His doctors gave him leave to go, and seeing as everything they owned had been blown to bits, they were staying in a let flat James found which could accommodate both families.

James replaced everything they owned as best he could, amidst Remus’ protests. But James was hearing none of it. “I’m filthy rich and I’m going to spend it on you anyway so you might just shut up about it, Moony.”

Remus clenched his jaw. “I’m perfectly capable…”

“Don’t much care.”

And it was the last Remus could say on the matter. Sirius came home soon after and was pleased to find that whilst he would forever mourn the loss of his punk rock t-shirts and jeans, James had done a fine job of replacing what he could off ebay and amazon and old mouldy record shops tucked away in shit areas of the city.

Sirius was on medical leave for at least a month though, but he and James were both going to testify at the trail of Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange. It really was an open and shut case, and they were transferred out of the UK on some special orders. Remus didn’t ask. Didn’t much care.

By summer, things were better. Teddy had turned four, Harry was turning three, Lily’s baby girl was born—called Ashima after James’ favourite aunt—dad’s sister— who had passed when he was fourteen. Sirius and Remus eventually found a flat, big enough for their family and then some. James and Lily stayed near them until their place in Godric’s Hollow was rebuilt.

Lily refused to bow to her fear of going back to that place. “It’s my home. My sanctuary and I won’t be bullied away from it.”

They spared no expense, and of course the guest cottage remained for Christmases and Easters and any time Remus and Sirius just wanted to be with them. Which was often enough.

By August Remus had stopped working altogether. His illness was taking frequent remissions but he still stopped working and began to write a book when his fingers would allow him. Tonks, now feeling comfortable with herself, took another year abroad and came back engaged and with a shining new degree. James got her a job at the Met.

They still split time with Teddy who would be starting school soon, and though it shouldn’t have worked, though it should have been more complicated, it wasn’t.

Which is where Remus found himself laying on the bed one lazy October with Sirius. They were naked, covered to the waist with a duvet. An autumn breeze was coming in through the open window, and Remus was playing along the thick scarring on Sirius’ belly.

“Got your own now, hmm? Trying to catch up?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled Remus down for a kiss. “Stupid sod. I’ll never look as good in scars as you.”

Remus pulled back, then dipped his head in to draw his tongue along the tight flesh. “I dunno. I think they’re dashing on you. Makes you look very bold and dangerous.”

“Oh?” Sirius was trying to be coy, which was hard with the tremble of desire in his throat. “Think so, do you? Have a thing for bad boys who’ve got shot?”

“Well I’d prefer the ones I’m madly in love with don’t get shot,” Remus said. “Really disturbs my constitution and you know how cranky I get when things aren’t perfectly routine.”

“Hmm, that I do.” Sirius grabbed Remus by the side of the face and kissed him hard. “You know something, Moony. I want to marry you.”

Remus felt something catch in his throat. “You said that already.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “Oh? Is that so?”

“When you were flying higher than a kite on morphine,” Remus said, his eyes twinkling a bit. “Said you loved me. Couldn’t live without me. Disgusting, soppy stuff, really. Could barely keep my tea down.”

Sirius growled, shoving Remus over and hovering over him. He peppered his face with kisses, before biting down on his neck. “So what say you, my delicious bowl of porridge? Marry me? Live with me forever and ever in this stupid flat and let me wake up to your stupid face every morning and kiss that stupid, insolent mouth. Be mine, will you?”

Remus pulled Sirius in for a hard, searing kiss. “Yes. I rather think I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to dip my toes into Drarry. So I can't decide if I should do post-war Drarry, or modern AU (no magic) Drarry. Thoughts? Feel free to prompt me at my tumblr. Also I'll be working on a very long sort of but not quite Sirius-lives, no Azkaban, wolfstar fic. One that starts off during Marauders Era. So keep an eye out for that. It'll have loads of chapters. But really please give me Drarry opinions. I need them.


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